Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 3/3/2010

Question
I hope this goes to the same person.  It is Annette again, (single mom with 12 yr old needing help finding somwhere/someone to help)  I wanted to add that I am a christian woman and if there is anything out there that can also guide her in the direction of spirituality, it would be a great benifit.  Please help with some ideas.  I know only I can make the decision to have her go somewhere, but in your opinion, does sending a child out for treatment/help a positive or negative thing.  I cant help but feel guilty that I cant do this anymore, if it were just me, i could, but I have 2 others to care for.  Is it safe for her in a facility, what is the percentage of her getting the help she needs,  I guess what I am asking is, if you were me, what would you do?

Answer
Hi Annette:

Placing a child in a residential treatment center is one of the most difficult things a parent will do.  Think of it this way.  If your child were blind and a place was available to help her, you would have her go.  If she had any kind of health issue that required a program outside of the home in order to live the best life possible, you would send her.  Bipolar disorder is a medical disorder--it just happens to mess with the brain rather than heart or other organs.  As long as you are willing to take part in her healing and visit whenever you can, etc, there is nothing wrong with attempting to help your daughter.  We can do everything "right" with our children, but some children just need more.

The chances of a center helping your daughter will depend on her willingness to cooperate and your involvement in the program.  She'll need to know she is not being abandoned.  This is something many children feel when they first go into placement.  Unfortunately, many parents are so relieved to have the chaos gone, they often don't work with the program or visit.  

Before actually having your daughter admitted, I would still try a med change unless she gets to the point of hurting herself or others.  Residential treatment should be the last option used.  Would I admit my own child, I have.  After years of treatment that saw him getting worse and worse, it was my last hope. He is now, and has been for several years, very much the wonderful child that was fighting so hard to get out.  The same holds true for your daughter.  There is a beautiful little girl in there who is trying to get out, but the emotional pain is stopping her.

As for Christian programs, I'm unaware of any program specifically Christian-oriented, but the programs out there encourage children to follow spiritual beliefs of their families and will often even provide transportation to church youth groups or services.  This is something you will have to discuss with the facility.  

I hope all works out for you.  I know the confusion you are going through, but know there is an end.  It just sometimes takes a while to get there.

                  Joyce A. Anthony