Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 4/6/2010

Question
QUESTION: I'v read one of you earlier q+a's from Becky, i am also 14 and i have the most wonderful life and i have everything i could ever want but still i have been so down for the last 5 years and it is a regular thing so i have come to the conclusion it mite be somthing more than just a regular saddness. I have tryed to find help but there is nothing out there and there is no one i believe that i can trust. The worst part is that i can't believe that no one has noticed yet and i wonder a lot if any one realy cares for me and if i would just be better off dead. I just wanted to know how i would go about telling someone and what is the best way of doing it?
Connor
14

ANSWER: Thank you for writing, Connor.  First, I need to tell you that people who feel sad often eventually learn to hide it.  It is very possible that you unconsciously hide your real mood and others can't see it.  It is not because nobody cares. People can't read your mind and need you to open up and talk with them.

How is your relationship with your parents?  Or is there a grandparent, aunt, uncle or family friend that you feel would listen?  Also think about school--teachers, a counselor or even a friend's parent.  If talking is uncomfortable for you, write this person a letter.  Let them know what you are feeling and that you want to talk with them and find a solution.  You will be surprised at how much people really do care and want you to be happy.

You need to keep one thing first and foremost in your mind--death is permanent, sadness isn't!  You will not always feel sad and alone and suicide is never the answer.  If things get to that point, go to the nearest hospital and tell them what you are feeling.  Your life is important to more people than you know and others will help if you ask.  Remember--if talking is too hard, write a letter and give it to someone.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thank you for the previous  answer and thinking about it i supose i do kind of hide my feelings and i could try to show my emotions openly a bit more, but my main concern now is who i should tell. I have also recently moved into this new country so there is no one who i realy trust out side of my family but even then my parents would not understand! I believe if i told them they would be very disapointed and upset with themselves and me so i would like to refrain from telling them. So i would like to know is is there any other way of finding some one that could help? And also how would i open up my emotions for people to take notice?

Answer
You are very welcome, Connor.  There is no simple way of learning to open up and not hide your feelings.  You just need to trust one person and take the risk.  It is difficult, but the rewards of being able to be "real" are wonderful.  

I do believe you should re-consider talking with your parents.  They are likely to surprise you.  You could also just visit a local hospital and ask to speak with a counselor.  You are old enough to be able to do so without a parent's permission.  Sometimes talking to someone you never met is easier at first.