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Bipolar Disorder/Help understanding this disorder

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Expert: - 8/18/2010


Question
Hi Jennifer, I have been living with my boyfriend for over 2 years.  He has told me he was diagnosed with being bi-polar when he was a child.  He refuses to take any medication and will not seek any type of help or treatment for it.  It's been an emotional roller coaster for me.  I don't know how to help him without acting like his Mother.  I try to guide him in the right direction the best I know how.  He has no family and very few friends.  I try to bring him around my family quite often to make him feel like he has a family, but it seems like he is very unhappy and doesn't really talk to anyone very much.
We own a small business together and he doesn't want to have anything to do with the decision making.  He says he just wants me to tell him what to do and he will do it.  He says he loves me very much and would be lost without me.  He talks about getting married in the future.  
He has very explosive episodes where he destroys things or says very mean things to me or someone else over petty situations.  I don't know what triggers his anger, but 5 minutes later it's like nothing ever happened.  I've asked him if he remembers exploding and he says he does.  He says he is losing his memory on certain things.  He checks things 2-3 times to make sure he did it because he's not sure.  I would like to know how I can help him since a Dr or psychologist is not going to happen (according to him).  
Thank you for your time.

Answer
It's difficult to see someone that we love refusing to get the help they need, especially when we know that at some point we'll have reached our limits with what we're willing to put up with.  

On one hand he asks you to just tell him what he needs to do and he'll do it, he wants to get married in the future, and how much he needs you in his life.  On the other, he's unwilling to seek the help of a psychiatrist so that he can get started on a medication therapy for his symptoms.  Because he doesn't have much in the way of a support network (friends and family who are there for him emotionally and physically present) he relies on you - possibly a little too much to be healthy for either of you in the long run.

I'd try telling him that what you need from him and what he needs to do is to go see a qualified mental health professional about starting on a medication regime.  If he's absolutely dead set against doing that, you may need to consider whether it might be time for a break in the relationship - you may even want to tell him that's a possibility, and that you want a future with him but only with a "well" him.  The fact that he's got anger issues makes it all the more important for him to take action and get treatment.

If I can be of further assistance, please let me know.

Bipolar Disorder

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Jennifer

Expertise

I am available to answer questions of a general nature about bipolar disorder, provide online resources that address bipolar disorder in a more in-depth manner and sources to serve as a starting point for those looking for substantial information on the illness from a healthcare professional approach. I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist, my background is based in personal experience and extensive reading in my own process of understanding my diagnosis. I can also take questions that deal with the social issues surrounding bipolar disorder such as relationships; coping for family, friends, and the patient; marriage, choosing to start a family and related. Answers to questions of a legal nature will provide general information but anyone with a serious legal problem should consult an attorney licensed to practice in their jurisdiction.

Experience

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder type II in 2000; as a SSI beneficiary, have experience and knowledge of the limitations and processes involved with the program; I understand the moods, the feelings, the worries, the doubts, and a lot more that there's not enough room to express - from the personal experiences of being bipolar. I have first-hand experience with the challenges of returning to college following hospitalizations and various combinations of medications that were tried before my doctor and I finally arrived at the most effective medication program for my treatment. My family and I have learned so much about each other in the process of dealing with the highs and lows that followed my diagnosis. I've had relationships with someone who also is bipolar and someone that is not - romantic relationships are no easier on either side! I feel that many of the ideas and beliefs that people have regarding bipolar disorder and those who have the condition promote the continuation of social stigmas associated with mental illness in general, and after learning from others with bipolar disorder, hope to guide others who may be trying to navigate the government health care system,& share information on other possible means of obtaining assistance with the cost of medications and/or mental health services and limited financial assistance programs for meeting basic living expenses for qualified individuals, dealing with problems from or with family & loved ones, co-occurring substance abuse problems, medications and side-effects (and when it feels like nothing will work, or why it's not helping the situation to ask whether or not a patient has taken their 'meds' when they seem hostile or moody to those around them).

Education/Credentials
I have a B.A. in Liberal Arts and will earn my J.D. upon completion of the Spring 2011 term after which I will be preparing to take the multi-state bar exam.

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