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Bipolar Disorder/bipolar adult daughter

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Expert: - 1/10/2011


Question
My 24 yr old daughter is bipolar and has PMDD. My husband and I need to be advised as to what is acceptable and not acceptable actions from her. When do we say NO to requests and when should we be ok with her requests?
    she was offically diagnosed February of 2010 when she attemped suicide. then the year kept getting worse. she stole from family members and claims she did it while trying to not take her meds. Is this a legitament excuse?

Answer
Honestly, because your daughter is 24 - an adult - in terms of what's acceptable and what is not for you and your husband should be whatever you are willing to put up with from your daughter while she is in your home. Requests can be treated the same way; you shouldn't feel like you have to tolerate actions merely because she has bipolar, and in the long run you'd only be selling her short when you and your husband lower your expectations for your daughter.

Stealing from family members doesn't become somehow less embarrassing or not as big of a problem just because your daughter wasn't on her meds at the time (according to her; since it took place in the past there's no way of knowing whether she's being honest with you about it) does it? It certainly wouldn't be acceptable behavior from an adult child who hadn't been diagnosed with bipolar! Society has agreed that certain actions are not appropriate, many of them come with punishment that is given to any member who violates these rules - if your daughter is given the message that she can get away with doing things like stealing (from family, from anyone all she has to do is say she was off her meds or it's because she's bipolar, what was a small problem before can quickly grow into a much bigger and more complex one. Setting limits and letting her know what is expected from her in your home and also around everyone else in the extended family and doing so according to what your husband and yourself can tolerate is needed. Your daughter has to learn how to be an independent adult at some point, but she won't begin that process as long as she feels that she can continue to enjoy an extended adolescence.

I hope that helps you, let me know if I can answer any other questions.

Bipolar Disorder

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Jennifer

Expertise

I am available to answer questions of a general nature about bipolar disorder, provide online resources that address bipolar disorder in a more in-depth manner and sources to serve as a starting point for those looking for substantial information on the illness from a healthcare professional approach. I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist, my background is based in personal experience and extensive reading in my own process of understanding my diagnosis. I can also take questions that deal with the social issues surrounding bipolar disorder such as relationships; coping for family, friends, and the patient; marriage, choosing to start a family and related. Answers to questions of a legal nature will provide general information but anyone with a serious legal problem should consult an attorney licensed to practice in their jurisdiction.

Experience

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder type II in 2000; as a SSI beneficiary, have experience and knowledge of the limitations and processes involved with the program; I understand the moods, the feelings, the worries, the doubts, and a lot more that there's not enough room to express - from the personal experiences of being bipolar. I have first-hand experience with the challenges of returning to college following hospitalizations and various combinations of medications that were tried before my doctor and I finally arrived at the most effective medication program for my treatment. My family and I have learned so much about each other in the process of dealing with the highs and lows that followed my diagnosis. I've had relationships with someone who also is bipolar and someone that is not - romantic relationships are no easier on either side! I feel that many of the ideas and beliefs that people have regarding bipolar disorder and those who have the condition promote the continuation of social stigmas associated with mental illness in general, and after learning from others with bipolar disorder, hope to guide others who may be trying to navigate the government health care system,& share information on other possible means of obtaining assistance with the cost of medications and/or mental health services and limited financial assistance programs for meeting basic living expenses for qualified individuals, dealing with problems from or with family & loved ones, co-occurring substance abuse problems, medications and side-effects (and when it feels like nothing will work, or why it's not helping the situation to ask whether or not a patient has taken their 'meds' when they seem hostile or moody to those around them).

Education/Credentials
I have a B.A. in Liberal Arts and will earn my J.D. upon completion of the Spring 2011 term after which I will be preparing to take the multi-state bar exam.

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