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Bipolar Disorder/out of control 19 yr old male. bi polar, adhd add

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Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 5/7/2011


Question

19 yr old Shelby
I am writing this on behalf of my brother who has a 19 yr old son who is bipolar, adhd add. My brother is not in good health and my mother who is 80 also lives with him. His son is very, very violent, smashes things, kicks in things he yells vulgarity at my brother and my mother. They have to lock everything up because he has stolen every thing of value to get money to buy pot. He can not fit into society. I am so afraid that something very bad is going to happen. He needs to be in a facility to be treated. But where? My mother is 80, she raised him, because his mom and dad were divorced and he never spent time with his mother and blames her for the way he is. He steals alot of things and then pawns them for money. My brother is at his breaking point. He feels like he is being held hostage in his own home. They get into fights and my mom gets real upset. He won't leave, he has no where to go. He is delusional and acts like a 10 yr old. He is very smart when it comes to fixing computers but can not work with others.He has been to several doctors and has been on medication but he sells it for money to buy pot. Could not get along in school. He also just recently been cut off from his dads health insurance. Is there any place that will take someone like this and help him. He needs to be institutionlize for a while. Don't know who to turn too. They live in Texas but he needs to be somewhere out of state.Please any advice would be truly appreciated. Thank you.

Answer
Sandy:

The answer to this one is going to sound harsh, but please allow me to explain.  Shelby is going to need to be arrested.

His age makes it impossible for a parent or anyone else to force him to get treatment. I don't believe he is going to seek treatment on his own.  At the moment, he is a danger to your brother and mother.  What needs to happen is your brother needs to sit him down and lay out the rules--which can include him not staying there unless he is on medication.  In addition, he needs to be told that violence--verbal or physical is NOT tolerated and that he will face jail if it occurs. The same goes for stealing.  The hard part is--your brother will need to follow through and actually call the police.

This helps in several ways.  First, there is a running record of his behavior.  Second, for most kids, one night in jail is all it takes for them to wise up and change their behavior.  Third, the police have the authority to have him 302'd--that means an involuntary committment for at least 72 hours.  This will give the hospital a chance to evaluate him.  In addition, by getting him in front of a judge, you have the opportunity to discuss the situation with the judge and make medicine compliance part of his "sentence".  

At nineteen, he is capable of controlling his behavior--and yes, he CAN control it, even without medication.  By laying down the rules, or having the courts lay them down, his behavior becomes his responsibility--and if he chooses to act out violently, that is a choice he makes and he must deal with the consequences.  Sometimes, when you love someone, you need to step back and allow them to face whatever consequences their action create.  It is time your nephew experiences some tough love.

                                   Joyce A. Anthony

Joyce A. Anthony

Expertise

I can answer questions dealing with bipolar disorder in a parent, yourself or your child. I can give suggestions and insight into what can be expected of many medications for bipolar disorder. My most extensive knowledge is in children with bipolar disorder. Here I can give advice on dealing with daily events, schools, medication and professionals.

Experience

I am the daughter of a bipolar/schizophrenic parent, am bipolar myself and am raising a bipolar child. I have a background in Psychology from Gannon University, have run several parenting classes for those parenting bipolar children and have had extensive experience with medications, the school system, homeschooling a special needs child, dealing with counselors, doctors and other professionals in the mental health field. I write for a bipolar website, with the focus on educating the child with bipolar disorder on his/her illness.

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