Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 5/18/2011

Question
This is a letter to find out the direction I should now go in?
I'm fron the "Fox Cities" of Wisconsin and I need a Specialist who can truely figure out my disorder or perhaps disorder(s) Below is a synopsis of my desires……

"I need advice! As most of you know (or now realize) I am a Mixed Bipolar, rapid cycling, (Dominate Manic). I have been one since Birth (of course). I was adopted at birth. Since 1973 I am a Cancer survivor (One Adrenal gland removed) which means my adrenal system has been F’d up since birth (you know adrenalin lift your car off of your child type shit).  I was miss-diagnosed as Hyperactive in ’74 and had Ritalin rammed down my throat two times daily ‘till a Dr. realized this misdiagnosis in the summer between 8th and 9th grade. (Per looking into it I attribute by Ritalin use to my being as short as I am (5’6”) and also my now almost being sterile) My adopted parents split in ’74 because of my Cancer. (I was listed as expected to die and they had adopted me because they lost their child because of my adopted Mother being a severe Diabetic) My dog (Buffy) that I had known since birth was put to sleep because my adopted Mother was now in hospitals (1977+) and she died the day after Thanksgiving in ’79 (Forever my Black Friday). I was abused by a family member. (Mostly daily belt lashings due to my behavior in school) Me then ending up at my adopted mothers parents house ‘till I was 19. Having reached my 141 IQ. In 8th grade with my reading and vocabulary already at colligate levels.  I’m also a Hyper-Coagulant (My blood is thicker than normal human blood). 6/29/1991 I survived a severe auto accident in which I received a severe closed head injury that made me have to relearn to walk, talk and damn near everything else. (Of course I used Cliffs Notes that time around :^) In other words a re-modification of my already F’d up Mental/Physical conditions. If I see things visually I will remember them for life (This actually improved 10-fold after my head injury) similar to looking at a picture book stored in my mind. (I’ve done block tests (your shown a picture of a shape & timed, you have to make that shape from blocks you are given) faster than any patients one of my Doctors had seen in his decade+ years of practice. (I can still see his face as he looked at the stopwatch that he had just stopped after he had just flipped the card for I was already done. I will always remember (Picture) that brief blink of disbelief). I can’t concentrate on one thing at a time. For fun I used to sit in my room and watch T.V., listen to the radio and read a book at the same time (very tiring but for me possible). However, I can also concentrate on something so hard (I have to want to) that I block out EVERYTHING else and all I hear, see, feel, think about is my task at hand! I can sorta’ drift from reality and re-watch a past incident, picture a current thought or foresee how I think things will work (Which flips me into a semi-Manic mood when what I foresee does not happen the way I picture it (Example: I picture doing something for my wife, I do it, and she does the opposite of how I pictured it)) From what I have read about my birth parents they BOTH have Bi-polar tendencies. The picture flashes can be very scary for me too! It’s not the future I see but possible actions of me I see in my mind at times! Like in movies they show a brief flash of a thought in a characters head. That happens in my mind almost daily. Yesterday as I was driving home I had a brief flash of me just driving my car into a guard rail by Hwy ’441. I almost never act on my flashes! If I would I’d have became a ‘lifer’ decades ago if I was even still alive. I’m not a multiple personality by any means but the real me (The part raised by my Adopted mother) is not the same as the Manic/Adrenalized me in any shape or form. For decades I’ve tried to explain how my mind works, how I think, to friends, family, Doctors and It’s always the same! “Sure right”, “You can control yourself I’ve seen you do it”, “No you’re not nuts your NORMAL”, “You fit the normal profile”.  Can you picture yourself looking through from behind your eyes and watching your body do things, if not in a blackout stage, and not be able to do anything about it? Have you ever felt your blood pulse everywhere in your body at the same time as if you could feel EVERY drop of blood moving and call that NORMAL? That is a brief description of one of my EXTREAM Manic flashes. I have long since hypothesized I go through a Manic induced adrenalin rush! In which I can NOT control remembering I only have 1 of the glands that were designed to work in pairs. I have told this hypothesis to doctors for years only to get “Yah! Right!”, “There is no data on that”, “Let me come up with the diagnosis” or my favorite “Do you have a degree in this field? (With a smart ass tone)” No, I’ve only read books for years trying to figure myself out! (The last comment actually had a brief flash of me picturing (in my mind) me smashing his face into the wall but as I said I almost never act on those flashes I just see them and ignore them. One Doctor, a few years ago, actually did test my adrenal gland and verified it was producing normally. Which I knew that already! My problem is how do I test it to see how it is working during an EXTREAM Manic shift? I sure as hell am not gonna’ go “Just a sec I have to draw a blood sample quick!”  

The forgoing is basically Cliffs Notes on my past 38 years…. What I need now is opinions, suggestions, referrals from people who know me, don’t know me? I’m DONE with regular Doctors! I’m DONE with General Mental & Behavioral physicians! I need a Bipolarity Specialist. I need people to understand that who I am, who I have been, has not been me nor by MY choice! I need help and suggestions on how to return to and to become who I really have been all along – The person my Wife and family had once loved but now despise and FEAR…………..

Thank you ALL for your time and concern if you have read this far…………….

PS. – The foregoing is also being forwarded to Ivan Goldberg, M.D. a Mood Disorder specialist from A.B. Johns Hopkins University & M.D. N.Y.U. College of Medicine…………"


Sometimes I feel I should just be thrown in a padded room to be studied?

Thank you for your time and concern............

Answer
Hi Jerod . . .

I have no idea where the Fox Cities are, but I know that there is a truly expert psychiatrist in Madison WI who would seem to be the ideal person for you to see for a full evaluation and treatment. He is James W. Jefferson, MD and he can be reached at 608-827-2451. He will probably recognize my name if you mention it to him.

Best regards . . .

Ivan
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