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Bipolar Disorder/bipolar breakup, what to do

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Question
I really need to get an opinion on what to do.

My bipolar boyfriend broke up with me 5 weeks ago about about something completely silly, in this case, Facebook and why he ignored me. He refuses to see me or talk to me on the phone. We were together 23 months and he had already broken up up 3 times before this year and 2 times last year. We are in our 40s if that's of any relevance.

During the past breakups, he would ignore me for about a week or so and then would slowly start answering my texts and we would then always get back together after about 2 weeks.

This is the first time he really seems to mean it and I haven't stopped sobbing for the past 5 weeks. I really thought it would pass just like the other times, but unfortunately not. He seemed to be going into a depression just before the breakup but still seemed to want to see me. But then I can't be sure. He was diagnosed bipolar when he was an adolescent but does not take any medication.

We are still in contact but sometimes he answers quickly, other times he ignores me for a couple of days. I am an absolute wreck because I really love this man, but I can't continue like this indefinitely, it's destroying my health and I fear losing my job with my constant crying at work.

Should I still continue contacting him or should I just give up and hope that he will come around eventually? Is there anything else I could do? He has never told me to stop contacting him, even though I've asked. He also never said he never wants to see me again, just not right away. I almost feel like he's enjoying seeing me so desperate and miserable. The constant contact as barely "friends" is really unbearable.

Thank you for your much-needed assistance.

Answer
He is not emotionally or mentally stable. He is not emotionally available for you. It is hard to comprehend the things he does but it is maily due to his bi-polar(bp). he is probably changing moods quickly. From depression and being loving to hate and distant. You don't have to sumbit yourself for the rollar coaster ride he is own. BP really needs treated by medication. It is hard to rationalize with someone who has untreated bp. You will always experience this roller coaster with him unless he gets treated. If you don't want to be treated the way he is treating you, I suggest you let him be. He can put himself on this roller coaster of emotions but you don't have to be a victim and dragged thru this with him. He is always going to be up and down and wishy washy. That is bp. Medications keep one from getting severly depressed, manic, anfry, stops the racing thoughts, reduces the risky impulsive behavipor and makes one stable and able to make sound decisions. I would let him go and tell him to get the help he deserves. Don't be his emotional victim any longer. I suggest going to nami.org and search on there for informationa and discussion areas that deal with people who have family members or friends with mental illness. You will have to register in order to join in the discussion groups. There you can ask question and obtain helpful information from oters who are right where you are. You can also visit the bp group and ask those individals questions. If you just don't want to walk away without offering him some help, then print off info from the Nami site. Find local psychiatrist who work with individuals with bp and maybe some local support groups in your are thru nami. That way you are providing him with resources to help himself. Then you can with a clear conscious walk away and find someone who will not take you down with them. Work on yourself. Take time for you. If you need to take 1 day off work to let yourself cry then do it. I suggest you allow yourself to cry at a specific time like at home after work. So you don't loose your job and not crying all the time. Find your support; friends, family, minister, coTworker or even a counselor. Take care of you. You are the only one you can change. You can't cntrol what he does nor can you change him. Mail him the information you print off. Tell him ithat right not you cannot and wll not accept the way he is treating you and you will not allow him to do it any longer. You are to special to be treated this way by anyone. If you loved someone would you say the things to him that he has said to you? He is not well right now and needs professional help. He is sick. You will be sick if you allow him to traat you the waay he has. Leave him. Don't contact except for mailing the info. And just pray for him. But he needs to work on himself. He has nothing emotionally to offfer you or himself. So take care of you and walk away and help yourself.

Bipolar Disorder

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Leigh, BS, QMHP, QMRP

Expertise

I can answer questions about living with bi-polar. I cannot answer any medical questions. I can only share my experience, strength and hope about my experiences with bi-polar and therapy for over 14 years.

Experience

I am working on my Masters in psychology. I work with individuals that have mental illness and have for over 6 years now. I AM NOT a doctor. I have Bi-polar myself and have dealt with it for over 14 years.

Organizations
CHADD NAMI MHA

Publications
Forsyth Families BP magazine

Education/Credentials
BS, Sociology

Past/Present Clients
Have co-existing Developmental Delay and Mental illness and or Substance Abuse.

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