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Bipolar Disorder/Trapped in a Bipolar Love Triangle


QUESTION: Hello would you please give me some advice on a difficult situation. I'm 26 and there is a co worker who is 40. I had a crush on her for awhile and at times I think I still do. I honestly don't know what I feel. We've always talked and played back and forth and she would always hug me and say she loved me when ever she would see me. I would always playfully hug and say I love you back. She says that I'm her favorite and that I'm her only friend. She has baked me cookies and given me various other gifts. She will text my phone and if I respond she will immediately call me. She says she'd rather talk to me and hear my voice. I look forward to her messages and talking to her each day. On Valentines day she and I were together and she asked me would I like to kiss her. I said yes and we kissed. She was my first kiss. I then asked her for another kiss. We then went back to work. Her behavior then started to become erratic and she left early. On my way home I saw her siting in someone's front yard peeing. She really seemed out of it. I helped her home and then went on my way. The next time I saw her. I mentioned everything that happened. she apologized for her behavior including the kiss and explained that she was bipolar and was having a fight with her boyfriend. She then asked if the kiss was good and would I do it again. I said yes. After that she smiled gave me a hug and then told me that I was her only true friend. Over the next few weeks we continued to talk as usual and she'd still hug me every time she saw me. Then one night at random she calls me asking me to take her to a bar and buy her a drink because her and her boyfriend were fighting she claims he was being really mean and pushing her. I said no and she hung up. She then continued to call me. She said that she was walking to the bar and that she really needed a friend. I stayed on the phone with her until her boyfriend finally picked her up. The following week she calls me telling me she's having a nervous break down. I agree to go bike riding with her and she starts acting weird and rides off on her own. The following week she tells me she's meeting with a psychiatrist and that she's going to be starting on new meds. About a week later she shows up at work completely wasted and crying saying that her boyfriend is leaving her and she wants die. Our supervisor then calls the police and she is taken home. Later that day as I'm coming out of the grocery store I see her standing by the door. She said she recognized my bike and was waiting for me because she really needed a friend to talk to. I listened to her and then she asked me to watch her stuff while she went in the store. She brought liquor and put it into her purse. I guess she was trying to hide it.  I walked with her a bit further until her boyfriend showed up to get her. I talked with him for a bit and he thanked me for looking out for her. He said he thinks she's getting her pills mixed up. In the following days she continues to text and call me and I continue to answer and listen. Her birthday was a few days ago and she was hoping her kids would come and visit. Only her daughter came but she brought friends with her. She brought her daughter to work to meet me. Later that evening she messaged me thanking me for working for her. She told me that she was disappointed and sad because she didn't get to spend anytime with her daughter. The next day she invited me over to have some of her cake and to keep her company. Her daughter and her friends had left early. We sat and talked for awhile. She told me about her past and how she use to be a stripper and have sugar daddies. She said she meet her current boyfriend while escaping from an abusive sugar daddy she had down in Florida. We talked some more and then she hugged me and we kissed again. Honestly we kissed for awhile. I know it wasn't the best or smartest thing to do. to tell the truth I felt trapped and without a choice. I didn't want to send her into a spiral if I said no and rejected her. She can be very erratic with her behavior and that makes me worried for her and myself. The relationship status with her on again off again abusive boy friend is unsettling as well. My friends and family say that she is a liar,manipulator and the word around town is that she's an alcoholic. Today she told me she hasn't been taking her meds because she's afraid of the side effects. She also told me that she has been drinking. I've come to the conclusion that as much as I love and care for her as a person I don't like this whole situation. I can't keep being the guy she runs to when ever she and him aren't getting along. I hate feeling obligated to go over her house. I'm also getting tired of the dramatic phone calls and messages. It seems like everyday she's calling or texting because there's some sort of drama in her life. The stress from worrying if she is ok is wearing me down. I've also been working multiple shifts covering her hours and job duties at work as well as mine. Thankfully she was fired for several no call no shows. I thought this would make her fascination with me cease but it hasn't. She contiues to call, text non stop, and invite me over to her house. I told her no I couldn't come over Monday and she called me crying about how she didn't have any friends and that she really needed one... At one point in the past I told her that I wouldn't leave her as long as she never left me and that I'd always be her friend but honestly it's all getting to be too much for me. I only said those things because she said "Joe don't ever leave me" I thought that was what she needed to hear me say so I said it... What is the best way to get out of this mess? I feel so trapped and used. I really feel like she's manipulating and taking advantage of my kindness. My stress levels have been up, I've gained weight, I haven't been sleeping well, and my performance at work and in my college classes have been suffering. Please help me get out of this mess. My friends have said slowly stop answering her calls, and don't go over her house any more. It isn't really her house it's her boyfriends and she always wants me to come over while he's at work. It makes me really uncomfortable because when I go over there I feel pressured into kissing her. Thank you for any help and advice you may give.


I can see you are in a difficult situation and it seems obvious that she is mentally unstable and is manipulating you. The only solution is for her to manage her bipolar disorder better. It is her mental illness that makes her behave the way she does.  Being a nutritional psychotherapist I know there are ways to improve her behaviour apart from the medication she is receiving. Most Bipolar people are hypoglycemic (

This can be treated by going on a hypoglycemic diet (

Also her mood changes changes can be better managed with lecithin supplementation at the right time. Please read;

Bipolar Disorder - Treatment with Lecithin

Of course, this needs to be done with the help of the doctor who is treating her and with the help of a Nutritional doctor.  
I don’t know what your relationship is with her “boyfriend”, who must also be at a loss to know how to help this lady.  You could probably share this information with him, if you are on a friendly footing. She is obviously manipulating both you and her boyfriend.

The aim of therapy is to make her feel better about herself, to overcome her mood swing over which she has no control, and to make her leas dependent on others.

Please discuss this with her and her doctor and suggest an additional referral to a nutritional doctor.

After treatment of a her biological abnormality, this should be followed up with a course of psychotherapy as explained at

Self-Help Psychotherapy Course

Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutrition
Editor of the Hypoglycemic Association of Australia
Also at Facebook:

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for your reply and for the information. Unfortunately I do not know her boyfriend that well. I've only met him once. I suppose I could print off the info from the links you've given me, but then that would mean I'd have to see her in person again in order to give her the papers. I really don't like that idea. I don't like going over another man's house especially when he's not home, even more so when I know that his girlfriend will make a pass at me.  I've also never meet her doctor. Aside from being a former coworker I really don't know her that well. I've only been over her house maybe 3 or 4 times. I usually try to keep it at just texts or a phone call. I feel bad for her and I hate that she has this disorder. I'd hate to leave anyone without a friend especially if they really need one but, this friendship is completely unhealthy. I feel more like I'm being groomed by an older woman and forced into being the "other man"... The whole thing has left me morally conflicted. So far all she has done is hug or kiss me but recently she spoke of one day taking things further... I saw her today as I was walking home and I could tell that she had been crying. She immediately hugged me and told me how much she misses me. I told her that I was concerned about her and that she had me worried. She says she's just in the stages of her doctors trying to find what works for her. I want to believe that but for some reason I don't. I feel like she's drama and her boyfriend is too. She said she thinks he's cheating on her. I don't want to be caught up in the midst of that. Even today she was telling me that I need to come and visit her and she was telling me to come over at times when he'll be at work..  I told her that I had to go and she then kisses her fingers and places them on my lips. I was shocked and honestly uncomfortable. Is there a way to make her dependency and fascination with me cease? Is it a good idea to slowly stop answering the phone and replying to her texts? I've never been in this type of situation before. I don't want any boyfriend drama which I feel would be the outcome if I continue to visit her at his house. Especially since she always wants to hug or kiss. I feel so bad when she calls and I don't answer. I tried ignoring her texts before and she just continued to text like crazy asking me if I was mad at her, etc. I wish I never kissed her that first time... What is a healthy way for me to exit this situation? Like I said before I'm starting to suffer as well in school, at work, and my sleeplessness and weight gain.

Hi Joe, The best way to end this situation is to pass on the information I have given to you and ask her to discuss this with her doctor. You have to insist that she has to take responsibility for her own illness, and that you no longer can help her. If she does Skype she can Skype me or join my Facebook page at

Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutrition
Editor of the Hypoglycemic Association of Australia
Also at Facebook:

Bipolar Disorder

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Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist


Have worked as a psychotherapist for overv twenty years, dealing with many personality disorders


I have a degree in Psychology from the Sydney University and a Postgraduate Diploma in Clinical Nutrition. I am also the author of “GETTING OFF THE HOOK” which deals with the nutritional and psychological treatment of personality disorders. It is freely available on the internet at Google Book Search. I am interested in the relationship between nutrition and behaviour, and as a Probation ans Parole Officer facilitated groups for offenders, many of whom were alcoholics and drug addicts, sex offenders or compulsive gamblers, as well as the whole gamut of “personality disorders”. I am also the ex-editor of the Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia Newsletter, a quarterly publication dealing with hypoglycemia and related health problems. Its web site, together with a shortened course of PSYCHOTHERAPY can be visited at:

Editor of the Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia. Its web site is at:

Author of the book "Getting off the Hook", It is freely available on the internet at Google Book Search. My articles can be found at:

BA (Psych) (University of Sydney), Post Gad Dip Clin Nutr (International Academy of Nutrition)

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