Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 12/9/2006

Question
I recently found out in a very circuitous way that I am BP.  I was being treated for unipolar for 8 years and it wasn't until I decided to go on meds that I was clear-headed to see something else was going on.  One of the big clues was that i wrote a screenplay in a month w/out eating or sleeping(and sold it).  I knew that was weird. Now I can see that I have been having hypomanic episodes for many years. I also think I have ADD because when i am not hypo, I am often too bored and distracted to write.

But my question is about my mother. She has been pretty much psychotic since I was about 10 (she was in late 30s then.  She has been hospitalized for suicide attempts, terrible financial situation, vengeful, narcicisstic -- although functioning and running her own business (grandiose aspirations?).  She has terrible relations with her family but they still maintain contact with her. I cut her off 5 years ago.

I now believe she is BPI and I am BPII.  I'm fine now on meds and I still have some hypomania which helps me write (how I make a good living). Knowing how hard it was for anyone to correctly diagnose me and the strong genetic component of bipolar, I am wondering if she really could be?  She has been in psychotherapy for 30 years!  She has taken medications.  But i never saw any real change in her.  Being "chronically depressed" and a victim is the core of her udentify but I have a strong feeling that she would dispute a BP diagnosis because that would make her "crazy".

She still abuses other family.  How could I get her to think about this and maybe do something about it?

R

Answer
Ricky:

First, I'm glad you are receiving treatment for your disorder. This is where a cycle can be broken.

I am afraid, however, there is most likely nothing you can do to convince your mother to accept a diagnosis of bipolar.  In all the years of therapy and hospitalizations, others have not been able to get her to accept this.  Having cut yourself off from her, your chances are even slimmer.

My advice would be to take one of two paths.  The first, you can accept the fact that your mother is not likely to change at this stage in her life.You could use this new-found realization of her problems to possibly reunite with her.

Or, you can continue on your own path of treatment and getting your life together and keep the distance between the two of you.  This also will require accepting that things are as they are and your mother is unlikely to be any different.

I know it is frustrating to see where a person could make a big difference in their life, and not be able to help; reality is, however, you are responsible for you and you can't change someone who does not want to be changed.

                          Joyce A. Anthony