Expert: Libby Bonner - 2/19/2006

Question
Mom is 67.  She has been diagnosed and received medication
for depression.  I strongly suspect that she is also Bi-Polar, but
has not been formally diagnosed.

My mother exhibits classic symptoms for rapid-cycling BPD.  I
am worried about her continued irresponsible spending will
negatively impact her future quality of care. I also worry about  
how her spending places me and my family at financial risk.  Can
you refer me to any practical guides?  other similar first person
accounts for coping?  Legal strategies or advice?  

We placed my mom's name on the deed for our property before
realizing the extent of her spending, and I am concerned that
her reckless spending will result in eventual foreclosure.  She
has had antidepressants prescribed for more than 30 years now,
with increased doses in the past -3 years.  For years, she has
gone on lavish 'impulse' spending sprees.  She holds multiple
credit cards, and has sought help from consumer credit
counseling in the past, but is unable to resist impulse shopping
on television shopping networks and the internet.  [She is often
extremely withdrawn, does not leave her house, does not
maintain friendships or initiate contact even with family
members.].  Many of the items she purchases are never used and
remain in their boxes.  She buys excessive quantities of all types
of goods:  groceries (which rot in her refrigerator and on her
counter tops), books( from book of the month clubs that pile up
but are not read), cosmetics, jewelry, clothing (whigh goes
unworn as she typically stays in one or two sweat suits),
materials for craft projects which are not carried out (2 sewing
machines, huge piles of fabric, $1,000 in stained cglass
materials, etc.), furniture (which doesn't fit in her house), garden
plants that die before ever being planted.  She is currently
carrying over $20,000 in credit card debt plus a mortgage, and a
home equity loan (for which my husband and I are co-signers).  
Her income is limited to a small retirement pension and a
modest trust established by her mother.  Her home was bought
with a thirty -year  mortgage two years ago.  She has no other
real property or assets, but plenty of debt.  She is not physically
healthy enough for other work.  Since her retirement 3 years
ago, I believe that her behavior has worsened since she no
longer has a regular work routine and has more free time to
shop.

Answer
Very sorry to hear of this.  YOu don't need me:  you need an attorney, fast.

You and she should not own anything jointly or co-mingle assets [or debts] in any way.  

She also needs a new psychiatrist ASAP - OR she must be willing for you to go w/ her to an appt, or have signed a release so you can talk to the doctor or nurse: maybe she is being prescribed bipolar meds but only taking the antidepressant [a very big mistake for a bipolar....not only are you w/o the mood stabilizer, an antidepressant alone can cause manic behavior.]  So - either assure yourself that the current doc is prescribing/diagnosing properly and let him know what's actually happening, or you can find a new doc and insist on going to appts.   [Current doc may not even know of the spending, but he surely must know she is bipolar and, as I said, may be prescriing for it.]

IF you mom has not signed a release to permit an exchange of info between you and the doc, nothing prevents you from writing him/her what you have written me.  It will go in his chart, and he is boumd to act on it.

It seems that you have perhaps two courses w/ Mom.  One, depending on laws where you live, would be to seek a conservatorship.  Another would be to let her bankruptcy occur, once assets are separated IF that does not imperil you - that you saw bankruptcy coming and illegally separated assets.

A third solution is medical/legal, and that would be to try to get your mom committed, not to an institution, but to a court-ordered treatment plan.   Help your atty out w/ www.psychlaws.org   --- think that's right; if not, it's "dot com"  Can't check it or I'll lose this.

It's possible that some of your mom's purchases may be liquidated via auction, return, Ebay, whatever.

Just re-read your email.  First, you would hope that a doc would add a mood stabilizer.  You may live where docs always put lithium in first, but some places just go directly to lamictyl, also a mood stabilizer but better for rapid cycling; some use both.

Do not delay by even a day w/ this.  Will your mother get upset?  You betcha!  Can it be avoided?  NO.

[I take it you have never seen your mother violent.  Thwarting her in the several ways I have mentioned could do it.  Proceed w/ extreme caution.  Calm voices; non-threatening body language.  If she goes ballistic, get out of the house.  Seriously.]

Good luck.