Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 12/24/2006

Question
I have read about BPD and some of it fits her.  Here are some more clues that I should add-my parents were divorced when my sister was 4 and she was very attached to my father.  (My father was an alcoholic and also had a mental disorder-I thought Bi-Polar, but not sure.  He was very distant to my brother and I but doted on sister.) We never saw him again after the divorce.  My mother had to work, of course, and my grandmother kept my sister. I also was a big part of caring for her on weekends and I took her with me to the movies, shopping, etc.  When sister was 10, I married and my brother enlisted in the army shortly after that also.  My mother, brother and myself are all non-aggressive--my mother is very passive.  Mom had no problems with my brother and I, and I think she figured that sister would be the same. I can't say that we had much real guidance from mom, but we knew that we were loved.  My brother and I just knew what was expected of us.  My sister has never been very involved in family on a regular basis-mostly around holidays.  Sometimes she would call a lot and then you wouldn't hear from her for months and she would be hateful.  She can control her behavior for some length of time, depending on who she is dealing with or what she wants from you.  
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-----Question-----
My sister has some form of mental disorders, but she has not told us if she has been diagnosed or not.  She has had behavioral problems since age 16 that I know of and they have gotten worse over the years-she is now in her early 50's and the immediate family has finally cut off all communication with her because we have had our limit of emotional abuse.  I think I may have post-traumatic stress disorder from dealing with her because when I think of her, I have anxiety.  I'm actually afraid because of her agression and anger toward me in particular.  The first indication of illness was at age 16 when she quit school and moved out. Over the years, she has been involved with drugs and undesirable people.  She can be the life of the party and always wants to be the center of attention.  If you don't do what she wants you to, she will get even with you.  She can be talking nice one minute, and then switch to a mean, hateful attitude in an instant.  When she was in her thirties, she quit communicating with the family for several years-would hang up or curse us if we tried to talk to her to try to help her.  Then one day she just showed up and gave no explanation for what had happened to her.  She did tell a sister-in-law that she had a "nervous breakdown" but no elaboration.  All of her boyfriends have had symptoms of mental illness.  She has never been married and has no children.  She has lost many jobs over the years.  Everything she does is really important and exciting, according to her.  She is thoughtless, unless it's something that others will notice and she can get praise from them.  She has borrowed money that will never be repaid, and we think that she talked my 85 year old senile uncle out of about $30,000, but we have no proof. There are many things that have transpired over the years that make me think that she is very sick. Is this bi-polar or a combination of mental illnesses?
-----Answer-----
Hi Pam:  First I must state I am not qualified to make an actual diagnosis.  That can only be done by a psychiatrist.

That said, it doesn't sound so much like bipolar disorder your sister seems to be suffering.  To me, the symptoms are more indicative of Borderline Personality Disorder.

         Joyce A. Anthony

Answer
Hi Pam:

The symptoms of bipolar disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder overlap at several points. This is why a psychiatrist needs to make the final diagnosis. Treatment is different for the two.  Bipolar disorder also has a tendency to exist alongside other disorders.

         Joyce A. Anthony