Expert: Libby Bonner - 11/9/2006

Question
I am a 36 year old female who is married and have 3 children.  I had a very good paying career. My bipolar came to "a head" on an unsuccessful suicide attempt.  I had to leave my job and have been trying to "manage" this so called disease and it has not been easy.  I have good Dr.'s that keep telling me I can do this and manage myself and family.  I have been on medications that have helped, but I usually end up having to stop taking them because of the cost.  My prescriptions would run anywhere from $150-$200 a month,not including any medications my family needed to be on. I do receive SSI, but we have had to file bankruptcy and the money situation has been one of the major triggers for my depression.  I am usually more depressed than manic, but have caused some damage during my mania phase.  I just feel like I'm fighting a ghost.  I can't see what is making me think, feel, or comprehend what I am.  I just want to be normal and not out of control.  I feel I am letting my children and husband down and I am loosing that "good old Laura try."  I'm running out of steam and I continue to look to God for more help.  I am trying to go back to college and conquer this bi polar crap, but I have hit more speed bumps and I'm afraid that all this hard work with school and house wife and mom is in vain.  I don't want to cause my family anymore grief or disappointment.  I'm at a really down moment now and I just want to quit fighting.  How can I get that fight back and get my life back and be happy..."normal happy" and "normal sad"? No, I do not want to end my life, but I don't want to spend the rest of it being out of control.  Thanks,Laura

Answer
May have to break this off and send a second part tomorrow.  Will do my best to help.  I'm afraid your situation exemplies why the only people who can afford mental illnesses are the very very poor or the very very wealthy.

I'm going to start w/ a lot of Qs.  When were you first diagnosed?  This is first or 2d marriage?; if the latter, date.  Your husband works but his earnings keep you from qualifying from Medicaid?  He has no med benefits, or he does but they don't/won't cover you, and why?

How long was the good paying career?  I would have hoped you were maybe on SSDI and not SSI.

You want to return to school why?  What does doc say about this plan.....given that you are now only episodically on meds?

Sounds like you are doing your level best to give it the good old Laura try.....maybe more than is good or appropriate at this time of your illness/wellness/recovery?

Do you have any other caregivers/providers besides a doc or docs?  Are you w/ a community mental health center - have they provided a social worker, classes, contacts w/ other "consumers" - NAMI-speak for pts.   www.nami.org

Has any doc tried to get you qualified, w/ one or more manufacturers, to receive meds at reduced rates?  What happened?

What are the meds that have worked for you before?   Have you been on any long enough to feel that you were relatively stable?  How long did that last?

Can you take lithium?  If you can, that gets everyone's votes for cheapest single-drug approach to treating bipolar.

Where is your husband in all this?  What would he like to see happen?

My goal, for you, is to find any way necessary to get you on the right dose/s of the right med/s.  Only after 6 months in a situation of stability do I think you can make meaningful plans for the future.  Not sure about these docs who are encouraging you to to/be more.  They may well know more and better than I do.  BUt do they understand that taking your meds is an off and on thing?

Looks like I only had questions.  I promise to get back to you soon after hearing from you again....could be a day or two tho.