Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 4/24/2006

Question
My husband has just been diagnosed with Bi-polar II. He is 57 years old, but he has suffered from these problems since childhood.  We have been married for 8 years, second marriages for us both.  I did not know he had problems when we married.  I began to observe that he had bouts of anger at strange things that weren't perfect in his environment, and it has grown from there.  He is now on Depakote and getting adjusted to that.  My main question has to do with this - How well can I expect him to get?  Lately, he has been so ill that he has wanted to move in by himself so he can completely control his environment and who he sees and for how long.  He says he loves me and our families, but he can't handle anyone or anything.  He is loved and successful at work, however, and always has been all his life. After 8 years of trying to deal with his depressions and hypomanias and obsessive/compulsiveness, I am exhausted.  I love him when he is normal.  I just don't know where all of this is heading. Can people with bi-polar disorder really better off on their own or living in a "commuter marriage?"

Answer
Hi . . .

Not knowing your husband I cannot answer your questions in anything other than a general way.

People with bipolar disorder, with adequate treatment, generally do well and maintain regular employment and family life. There can be periods of time early in their recover when maintaining such relationships is difficult.

I think you should:

1) Discuss your husband's treatment and prospects for recovery with his psychiatrist;

2) Join a support group for the families of people with mood disorders. You can locate such a support group through: http://www.dbsalliance.org/info/findsupport.html

Best regards . . .

Ivan
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