Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 6/25/2007

Question
My daughter who just turned 18 was diagnosed bipolar about a year and a half ago.  She is still in the stages of finding her levels with medication and we still encounter binges with food, sex, and shopping as part of her manic episodes.  Being she is 18 now she feels she can be emancipated by coming and going at will, and wants the use of the family vehicle, come home and sleep all day and follow up with whatever binge is convenient.  My wife and I refuse to let her drive the car and insist on taking her to and from work for her own safety as we can never tell what mood she is in.  When all this began a year and a half ago, she claimed to have taken several aspirin which also got her put into confined care for 5 days for suicidal observation.  Last evening she was in the house wanting to use the car and we said no.  she proceeded to ask how we wanted to see her kill herself, by slashing her wrists, pills or what.  She had a friend pick her up and she left to spend the night saying she would be back today to pick up her stuff.

I don't know what to make of much of this as I am bipolar myself and successfully treated with lithium.  I too took 5 months in my early 30s to get my treatments under control with the right levels and am reasonably successful today.  My concern here is that she is going through these waves of apparent mania but is most noticable at home as she is able to work with no apparent problems.

I don't know how much of her problem is brought on by the illness versus how much is her immaturity with life.  (she thinks she has all the answers).  She is due to attend college in the fall but I fear her being in a dormitory without better control of her illness and a better show of maturity especially when she shares a room with someone that we don't know anything about and someone I don't want my daughter to spoil her education living in such tight quarters.

In some ways I think she needs to have an opportunity to grow up, however we're afraid of the risks associated with the freedoms and the effects on other people.  With HIPAA laws, we cant exchange information with her psychiatrist and quite frankly it's becoming evident every time she goes there she is on a larger scale episode.

We live in Northern Wisconsin where there are not too many psychiatrist available, let alone goods ones.    I realize this is long but my wife and I are at the end of our ropes with frustration.  Our daughter is sweet,and intelligent, and beautiful, however her immaturity and her illness is wiping out our family.  Please help.

Answer
Hi Wray:

I think you are dealing with a combination from your daughter--immaturity AND the bipolar disorder.  At your daughter's age, there isn't a lot you can do, which is unfortunate.

The suicide threats appear to be used as a manipulative technique--but may give you an opportunity to help.  With a suicide threat, she can be involuntarily admitted to a mental health unit--which would give hem an opportunity to get her medication adjusted.

While the psychiatrist can't give you any information, the law does not forbid him from listening to you.  You could call and let him know you realize he can't give you any information but there are some things you feel he should know.  Then let him know your daughter's behavior.

Try talking with her again.  If it don't work, you'll have to do one of the hardest thing any parent must do--let her go and learn for herself.  Trust in what you have taught her to bring her around.

                         Joyce A. Anthony