Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 10/20/2006

Question
My ex-boyfriend has not been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  However, he is definately text book not to mention that it does run in his family.  (his mother, sister, and 2 uncles on his mother's side of the family have all been diagnosed with bipolar disorder)  My email could go on and on but what I really want to know is what to do.  I've discussed this with him numerous times, begged him to seek help, offered to go with him, given him tons of information to read etc. etc.....  He admits that he definately has most of the symptons but explains them all away as being related to other things.  Gets very angry at anyone that suggest he may be bipolar.  He's getting worse and worse.  Even though some of his family members are bipolar themselves they stick their heads in the sand when it comes to him stating that they do not want to alienate him.  I'm the only one with enough nerve to confront him however he shuts me out of his life on a regular basis then always comes back in different degrees.....loves me again, wants to be my friend.....it's always different but he does come back but will not discuss the Bipolar.  I love him but don't know what to do.  His family will not help, I'm the only one that will but he can shut me out.  I see him getting worse and worse and I feel so helpless.  What can I do?

Answer
The situation you describe is unfortunately both common and painful. Many people with bipolar disorder and even their bipolar relatives go into denial mode and refuse to get help for bipolar disorder. Not being able to help someone you love is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can have.

Both for you sake and his you might have to simply make it a condition of you continuing in the relationship for him and you to visit a psychiatrist for an evaluation. You might put it to him that the two of you should go see someone together to see which of you is in greater need of help.

A liat of excellent doctors may be found at:
http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.psychiatrists.html

Best regards . . .

Ivan
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