Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 2/2/2007

Question
I am a divorced woman, age 51, engaged to a man that has a bipolar teenage son.  We have been together for 2 years and I love my fiance and his son very much. My previous marriage of 30 years was to a man who was bipolar and very violent.  So stepping into this enviroment again, scars me alittle.  My fiance son is almost 16 and is showing signs of more violent behavior over the past two-three months. Of course he shows signs before these episodes happen.  My question is how do I deal with this better.  Sometimes, I just want to separate myself, though I know his son needs me in his life.  How can I deal better without getting mad at him?  Carla

Answer
Carla:

There is no reason you should not get angry at violent episodes.  Violence, no matter what a person's disorder, is not acceptable activity.

Is this child on medication and receiving counseling to help him find more appropriate behaviors to replace the violence with?  If so, you can make it known he must continue if you are to share a house.

If there is no medication or therapy involved, please make that a condition of the marriage.  I know you love both of them, but you need to consider your safety.  If a person is working toward changing their behavior, then support is a good thing.  If they are not, you need to stay away from the situation.

                          Joyce A. Anthony