Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 10/19/2007

Question
Dear Dr. Goldberg,
I have quite a complex question. I understand by answering it that you can only give me your advice based on the information I have given you. Please tell me something, any advice. I have an exboyfriend, and I am wondering if he is dangerous to me or my family. I met him when we were in grade school. I lost contact with him for over 10years. We reconnected and hit it off. We even moved in together. He lied about drug abuse, money, jobs...anything. He even sent e-mails to my friends pretending to be me. He was trying to find out information on me, if I was cheating. I wasn't. He threw my phone at me several times, went through my purse, went through my phone. He was very jealous. I could feel him playing mind games with me trying to break me down then build me up enough to break me down again. He was very angry at times I was taking birthcontrol. He wanted me  to get pregnant. He always wanted me to be jealous too. That isn't my nature so he would go out of his way to make me that way. I ended the relationship. He sent horrible texts and e-mails to me. Left voice messages. He would call, text and e-mail over 100 times a day. I even had to file a police report against him. He threatened to hurt me and break in my home. He has an ex wife. I know he beat her on many occasions. He has a drinking, gambling and sex addiction. He has a bad temper also. He will go from being so happy to everything is awful in his relationships. He has used his fathers social security number to get loans...bank accounts..etc. I had no idea he was like this. I have never known anyone like him. He is constantly scheming. When I refused to talk to him anymore..recently... he told me his mother passed away. That made me sympathetic to him and I said I was sorry for his loss.Come to find out his mom is just as alive as I am. He lied. He lied about this home and job he has been working at too. When I confronted him, he lost it. He said many many awful things, threatened me and others. Then within 2 hours changed it back to I love you and will move anywhere with you. He is crazy. I do not know how many disorders he has, but it is quite a few. I just don't know if he is really dangerous or capable of physically hurting me. What is your opinion based on the information I have given you. Please help me.

Answer
Hi, Lori . . .

One should remember that probably the best predictor of future is past behavior. If someone has been angry, cruel, controlling and paranoid, one can suspect that that is exactly how they will be in the future.

There is nothing specific I can say about your exboyfriend as I have never examined him and there is no way I can ethically comment on an individual who I have not seen See: http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/42/15/33)

But I will remind you again that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

I'm sorry that I cannot be more helpful.

Best regards . . .
Ivan
%%%%%%