Expert: Libby Bonner - 10/12/2007

Question
I have an uncle that I believe is bipolar.  Bipolar runs in my family and his sister (my mom) is diagnosed.  For many years my uncle has been very transient, moving from job to job, state to state and being just weird enough to turn people off.  The problem seems to be getting much worse.  He is living with my parents, can't find a job, is increasing paranoid, has no money left and can't see that he needs any help.  My parents have no idea what to do and he is ruining their life.  I am worried that if they confront him he may become violent.  I have located a contact near them for a clinic that provides mental and medical help for the "peri" homeless.  Do you have any advice for how to get someone to a service like this.  

If they just kick him out of the house I fear that he will become homeless....I don't think my mother will do that.

Thanks in advance, we are desperate for help.

Answer
The best single source of help w/ these terribly difficult situations is in the book by Amador called I am not sick; I don't need help.  It will suggest options, and also ways to get more alligned w/ him... but paranoia adds another really bad dimension to this mess.

They are very right not to confront him.  Their contact, physically and verbally, should be as limited as possible.  [If he wants to live and eat on a different schedule from them, all the better.  If he is making noise at night, ear plugs (foam rubber) will help.]  Though he must not feel that they are hiding from him, or hiding info or possessions from him.

Meanwhile, THIS book will make them feel less helpless, give them their best chance at successful communications w/ him, warn them about dangerousness:  author is Woolis, title is When someone you love has a mental illness.

I do most heartily recommend both books....they must be gotten, and they must be read.

You may get better local info as to what's possible at www.psychlaws.org and by having them contact a local attorney....  They also may want to talk to the police and/or sheriff's department/s that has jurisdiction, just to get info...maybe to give some info.  Might help get him taken to a hospital if he's finally picked up, or keep him from getting shot.

Other local info is available via www.NAMI.org   Contact the state office if there is no local affiliate or if the local group cannot offer much concrete information.

This is going to get worse, very likely.... I will hope it ends soon and w/ everyone OK.   IF this is a reasonable option perhaps your parents can disappear until it's over???  Or arrange for a place to go if things get much worse - Woolis would have good ideas on what sort of info to give him [if any] if they were to leave for awhile.  A lot of this depends on the size of the city where they are, how much he knows their routine, whether he has wheels.

The musn't provoke him, or disagree.  Woolis will help, help, help w all of this.


I'm so terribly sorry.  Keep me posted.