Expert: Libby Bonner - 12/30/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hi, can you give me some possible insight as to the handling of my significant other during a manic (rage) episode. We have been together for four years now and she recently (within the past several months)lost coverage for her meds. She was diagnosed as being bipolar a year or so ago and was placed on Lamictical. Things,at that point then were for the most part, wonderful. Now,,,,things are once again a nightmare. Her trigger can be something to nothing, and then when resolved,,,,to the next trigger, to trigger, hours and hours of her not leaving me alone. She chases me around the house inside, outside then outside to inside. I feel as though I'm losing my mind. Then to no surprise she flips to crying,hanging on me, initiating sex, and so on. The last episode was two days ago, 12/27/07 and I'm still exhausted. Things, Im in hope should be ok for at least a few days to a week considering that is how frequent the episodes occurred in the past. They're back again and I can no longer deal with the manic raging side of it. Please, provide me with some advice to get me through one last possible episode before she is able to get back on meds. Thanks for your time, Kevin

ANSWER: She has a way to obtain meds again?  When?  Will she take them then?

Your best bet is to not be with her til then, anyway you can work that out.

While chasing you, does she verbally threaten violence, or carry anything - anything - that could be used as a weapon?

She needs to be in a hospital and/or on meds.  PPARx.org might be a short-term sorce of free or low-cost meds.

Assuming that she can't get on meds for awhile, you need an escape plan.  Do you have a neighbor willing to give you a key, who understands clearly why you might need to use it day or night?  You could be putting this person in danger.

Plan one assumes you have no car nor money:  keep your wallet and house key and neighbor's house key w/ you all the time.  Next time the chase is on, go directly to the neighbor's and call 911.

Plan 2 assumes you have enough money to stay overnight at a motel and that you have a car.  This is not a good solution if she also has a car - we are not into car chases.
Plan 2: leave house, get in car, call 911 from cell or first phone available.   Hang around the house out of sight - the officers may want to talk to you.  If they take her, you can go back.  If not, go to motel or friend's and figure what to do next.  Restraining order will do you no good.

Hours and hours of her not leaving you alone.  Does she threaten?  Can you lock yourself in a room and use foam earplugs - seriously?  And/or - if she is threatening bodily harm, lock self in room and call 911.

Start today to keep a record of her behaviors - quietly; do not flaunt it.  It will help police/doc/hospital know what to do next, perhaps.

If you can go to a friend's or relatives' for the duration, however long that may be, that is realy your very best option.  Don't worry about what she does or says or will do or says she will do.
If she comes and harasses whoever takes you in, they or you can call 911.  If she harasses your place of work, they can toss her from the premises or call 911 or have her arrested.

She is very sick and getting sicker.  You need to concentrate on your own safety.  There are no easy answers here; it's how the system works.  AND if there is a police pick-up, a hospital might release her in a very short time - 72 hrs or less.

You can ask an atty about a committal, and you probably should.  Pls see also psychlaws.org to see if your state allows assisted out-patient treatment, and how to start the needed procedures.

Also, look for a NAMI affiliate near you - nami.org.  Someone there might offer better local solutions.

Good luck.  But - to the extent possible - you need to start making the decisions and calling the shots.  [To a very limited extent --, given how sick she is.]  But no more being chased around the house, pls.  

Pls write again.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I will write tom. for she is here ok. Chasing aroung the house is only a start. car chases in the past, police here every week. Thank you, I have no one else that understands because they don't see her other than when she appears stable and collected.

Answer
If you can, please do start going to the nearest NAMI support group for family members.  They would be an immediate and ongoing help for you.  If the local affiliate has no support function and you can get to one near-by that does, pls do try to get there regularly.  It will be such a help, and they will have practical ideas.

You will also find a good bit of help in a book by Woolis, called When someone you love has a mental illness.  It will help you communicate more effectively w/ her, even when she is very ill.  Just don't bother to try rational persuasion - it's a waste of time.