Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 12/2/2007

Question
My mother was diagnosed with bipolar twelve years ago, when I was three. Since that point, she has rarely gotten any sort of treatment. She has attempted suicide when I was 5 after having a miscarriage. Ever since I was little, I have been able to tell when she was manic or depressive, and how to deal with it, when to ask for things and when to just stay out of the way. It made me grow up fast; I had to basically be independent at a very young age.
My father loves her and the rest of the family very much, I just feel that he really doesn't know what to do at this point. My mother refuses treatment of any sort. She has a prescription for some medication to treat it (unsure of what kind), however, she does not take it. She has not seen a doctor specifically about this in years. As much as I try to be there for her, it has recently been hard. She has a tendency to, when manic, blame my siblings and I for the problems in her life. Until recently, I would feel guilty for most of the things I did because of it.
Recently, my mother tried to run away and leave the family, but my father was able to stop her.  However, my father is unable to get her to get help. Because of this, I’ve lost trust in both of them. I love both of them, but I can not rely on either of them. I have a huge fear of my mother physically hurting my sister and brother. This has not happened yet, that I am aware of, but because she is unable to control herself when manic, and blames them for all problems through screaming and sending them to their rooms for thing they did not do, I can not help but wonder how much of a stretch it would be for her to strike them while in a fit like that.  
I really am just unsure what to do at this point. I don’t want to tear apart my family, but I don’t want my siblings to have to grow up as quickly as I had to. I would go and seek family counseling for all of us, but I’m afraid that it would just make thing more stressful at home. My mother is able to lie very well, and control herself long enough to make most doctors believe that is perfectly fine. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  

Answer
Hi Beth . . .

The situation you describe is more than difficult and has the possibility of being tragic. You don't mention the ages of your siblings, but I assume they are minors.

One of the hardest things in life is not being able to help the people you love, and that is exactly the situation you are in.

I can think of only one ways in which you may be able to have a positive impact on the situation. It would be for you to call 9-1-1 the next time your mother is in a manic state. That may result in her being hospitalized and gotten involved in some involuntary treatment.

You and your father may find it useful to attend support group meetings for the families of people with mood disorders. You can find the location of such support groups at:
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=support_findsupport

Best regards . . .
Ivan
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