Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 2/27/2007

Question
My mind is about to explode.The highlights: 4 yrs with a man who always had internet women in the side, emailing them, IMing them while engaged to me, even actually cheating while engaged to me tho he called the engagement off for a few days. We lived together 3 yrs , this last yr was hell, he was bored, always starting fights, addicted to drama, I couldn't stand it plus I have two teenage daughters who didn't need to go thru this . I made him see a therapist, I had to go to make sure he didn't lie, she said he was passive aggressive, a manipulator, game player and was sabotaging our relationship.I kicked him out of my home last April, he lived at the homeless shelter, loved in there, lots of ppl  paying attention to him especially when he would fake seizures which he's done to me before. He's even told me if I'm sick I'll stay there longer! Well, it didn't work, it was a church run shelter and they caught him on the internet sending pics of his privates to a woman and asking women for sex all AFTER we had gotten a marriage license!!! Well, to make a REAL long story short,he went to jail for harassing us, and for domestib violence and no trespassing. 3 months served. I also got an RO out for him.He never hit me but he ripped my soul to shreds, my life is a mess.Now I'm getting my life together looking for work, I'm on a dating site, one profile has looked like him for the past few weeks but I ignored it. Today that profile was deleted and he came back full force with the same screen name he had before.Now he's all Mr Holy Man, oh YES!! He was a born again Christian while cheating on me too. I can't figure this out. His profile is "GOD FIRST, THEN FRIENDS" yet he wants to meet a woman. What is up with the religious God stuff when in real life, he cheats lies constantly hurts ppl with no I'm sorry,wants to have sex with anyone and has from what I've heard and now he's sounding like a minister. And don't tell me he's changed because I've been thru this before with him. PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND!

Answer
Dear Debbie,

I am just wondering why you do want to understand a man, who has hurt you so much. He is pretty sick and your main task is never to get involved with a man like that again. It could be that because you have such a need to be loved, that you feel into his trap.

You can only do this if you can overcome a low self-esteem, which seems to be at the root of your problems. A woman with some self-respect would never have an emotional relationship with a man, she knows cannot commit himself to any steady relationship.

The only way i can help you is to suggest that you study our self-help psychotherapy course at our web site, from beginning to end. Read it a couple of times so that you fully understand it.

Please read:

Self-help PSYCHOTHERAPY course at
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/i-psychotherapy.html

Alternatively you could read my book, which is freely available on the internet. Start at page 36.

Getting off the Hook at:

http://books.google.com/books?vid=ISBN1862525919&id=cIbpj59s-KAC&pg=PR3&lpg=PR3&...

Once you understand the contents of this course you will also understand what the matter is with the man you mentioned.
_________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman, BA(Psych), Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr
Editor: HYPOGLYCEMIC HEALTH ASSOCIATION OF AUSTRALIA at
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author: “Getting off the Hook” at
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