Expert: Libby Bonner - 12/21/2007

Question
I have been friends with a girl for a couple of years and a couple of months ago started dating. I notices that she started getting very serious very fast (talking about moving in and marriage).  She has not told me she has Bipolar, but will make serious decisions real fast and then regret them later. (Like moving into a different house).  Recently, she started talking about marriage more often, then the next day said we can't see each other and she looked like a black cloud was hovering over her.  ( I do know she takes meds for depression).  I also know she is in AA and has drugs in her past (Over 2 years ago).  Now, I do not know if this is just typical Bipolar activity or did I just get an old fashioned dumping. I guess what I want to know is are these typical activities of a person with Bipolar?

Answer
Could be bipolar.  Definitely wasn't your good old fashioned dumping.

By now, she is probably trying to get back w/ you - am I right??

Lotta red flags here.  You could do this two ways.  Either say [and mean and repeat] back off w/ the marriage talk; I WON'T go that fast.  Or, if, in fact, move-in or marriage seem attractive to you, STOP right now and require FULL disclosure.

You need to meet her family, if you have not.  You definitely need to know her exact diagnosis, and then the two of you need to go to her next appt w/ the psychiatrist.....and you should plan to do this pretty regularly throughtout a live-in relationship:  ask to have her diagnosis explained, ask about the meds she is on, and what they are for.  At later visits, you might quietly remind  her of anything she has forgotten to mention to the doc since the last visit.

Ask her, as well, how long she has been AA and for how many years prior did she drink.  You might wish to go w/ her to a meeting, and you might want to meet her AA sponsor, if that is acceptable AA etiquette.

You should ask when she first became ill w/ depression and whether and for how many times she has been hospitalized for a mental-illness or drug-related reason.

Good luck - write again if I can help.