Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 10/18/2007

Question
My wife and I have been wed for 3 months now. We dated for only 7 months before we tied the knot. In this time we were the happiest couple you could ever meet. In the past 4 weeks that as all changed. My wife has now told me that she does not love me and wants nothing to do with me. I have asked here to go to family therapy. She did agree to this. When this change first started she would say that she did not want to feel this way towards me but that she could not help it. As time has passed she is now to the point that she does not want to put anything into us. She has moved into her Mom and Dads house and has been there for the past week. She is now not returning my calls and only talks to me when she needs something from the house. She was married before and that lasted 6 months. I met her just a few weeks after she left him. Now she is talking with him and pushing me away. I love my wife and want to help her. I talked with the therapist yesterday and she said that she beleives she has bipolar. My wife does not want to go and have a sic eval so the therapist says I should have her committed. I can not bring myself to do this but her friends feel the same way and are willing to be the ones to do this. What should I do? Does she truly not love me or is this part of the illness? Is it normal for someone with this illness to just stop loving you and not want anything to do with you? She seem to blame me for everything and says that loving me has done nothing but hurt people. I don't know what to do. I love my wife and want to get her the help she needs. I have talked with her parents and her Mom is mush more open to me then her Dad. Her Mom told me that she they have tried to get her help for years but she would never go. So atleast I have been able to get her to talk with someone. But now my wife is shutting me out and I am not sure if it is the illness talking or her. I do know that she is not the same person that I married. She was the kindest, most caring and loving person I have ever met and now she is soooo cold. Please give me some insight into if this is the illness talking and what I should do to help my wife.

Answer
Dear C,

This must be very hard for you: marrying a person and than find out that she does not love you. I cannot give you any reasons what is going on, because to do so, I would have to interview your wife and than you and then have a joint session with both of you. This is a job for a marriage guidance counsellor.

I cannot confirm that your wife is bipolar. Again I would have to interview her.

It is possible that she is afflicted with a mood disorder such as depression. In depression people often blame their partners for what is really a metabolic disorder.

I can understand that you love her, but it is just as well that her true personality has come out before you have children.

I am so sorry that I cannot be of better help and I strongly advise you to see a therapist to overcome this grieving period.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search