Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 11/3/2006

Question
Thank you for your advice. She is seeing a physiatrist every 2 weeks her doctor told me to not take anything away from her right now but i think she need some kind of consequences. I just want to do the right thing for my daughter. there are other things in her life that I have wondered could be the root of her rebellion her stepfather passed away 2 years ago it was a sudden thing and we were with him when it happened. Her real father and I have been divorced since she was 4 and even though she sees him every other weekend, he doesn't involve himself in her day to day life. I have been told by her psychiatrist that by the things that we have told he is probably bipolar also. she also has a aunt who is bipolar and my daughter seems to be following right in her footsteps. For the last 2 weeks she has been very moody,and hateful but last night she seemed to be back to a sweet, happy, and loving child. I have read that they cycle in bipolar disorder could this have been what was going on in the past 2 weeks or is there a possibility that she needs a higher dosage in her medication or a different medication. I am open to any suggestions I can't get any advice from anyone i know because nobody no's anything about bipolar including the school staff and her father and aunt are both adults who refuses to get help because they don't think anything is wrong with them.
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The text above is a follow-up to ...

-----Question-----
I have a 13 year old which has just been diagnosed with bipolar in the last 2 months she is currently taking 10 milligrams a day of abilify. She tells me she cares about her grades in school (which she loves to go)but she continuously won't do her homework or study. She will tell me that she done her homework at school or that there is no homework but when I talk to her teachers she has zeros because she didn't turn her work in or bad grades on test because she didn't study. Her grades are continuously falling. She also has a jealousy thing with her best friend. She doesn't want anyone to be more popular than her she goes to a small school with about 200 kids 7th-12th grade.She has taken things from people and she lies about anything important or not. I can see a little difference since she has been on her medication but it seems to have topped out. Please help I am out of ideas.
-----Answer-----
Hi Tammie:  

What you are describing sounds more like teenage rebellion and self-doubt than as being caused by the bipolar disorder.  I think what is necessary at this point is to get some talk therapy for your daughter to help work out the self-esteem issues and some rigid program to see that she faces the results of lying and lack of attention to her schoolwork.  This would be a good time to make sure there is a policy in place where she deals with pre-set consequences--grounding, loss of privileges, etc--if she fails a test because she didn't study or do the homework.  If she gets caught lying, call her on it--and apply consequences that fit the situation.

This is a hard age to go through, for both parent and child, let your daughter know some things just aren't acceptable and others are required (like school work) and don't waver one bit.  Bipolar children need consistency.

         Joyce A. Anthony

Answer
Hi Tammie:  

There are a couple of things going on here.  Yes, a person with bipolar disorder does cycle--that is what the main purpose of medication is, to stop the extreme cycling.

Your daughter has only recently been diagnosed.  Thirteen comes with mood swings as is it, then add the bipolar disorder and you have one confused little girl.

I would suggest keeping track of her moods daily so you can have a visual picture for her counselor.  Give her meds a while longer then, say in two months, if there still isn't a change, talk about an increase or change with her doctor.

I do not agree with her doctor about a lack of consequences.  She needs to know that for every choice she makes, there is something that happens--good or bad.  Many bipolar children will use their disorder as an excuse--and this can't be allowed.  

The next time you visit her doctor, ask him about a support group in your area.  It is hard, especially at the start, and having a support group to talk with will make it easier for you.  
         Joyce A. Anthony