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Bipolar Disorder/adult bipolar daughter

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BANSHEEWOMEN wrote at 2009-02-24 00:33:47
THE ABOVE WAS EXCELLENT ADVICE!  I AM A RECOVERING BIPOLAR DAUGHTER.  LITTLE CHANGED UNTIL MY PARENTS DIED AND I WAS LEFT NO CHOICE.  IT WAS VERY VERY PAINFUL AND I DID BREAK DOWN SEVERAL TIMES, EVEN ENDING UP HOMELESS AND LOSING MY CHILD. TODAY I HAVE MY DAUGHTER BACK, A LITTLE APARTMENT, AND A USED CAR.  I HAVE BEEN SUPPORTING THESE FOR OVER TEN YEARS.  MANY YEARS I SUPPORTED MY HUSBAND, ME AND MY DAUGHTER.  TODAY I AM RECONSILING WITH MY HUSBAND.  ALAS, MY DAUGHTER IS WHERE I WAS AT 25 AND I AM GETTING THINGS IN ORDER TO DO FOR HER WHAT MY PARENTS DID NOT LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO DO FOR ME (OR HAVE THE JOY OF SEEING).  SOME TOUGH CHOICES ARE AHEAD FOR HER BUT ALSO PLENTY OF LOVE AND AS LITTLE ENABLEING AS POSSIBLE.  SHE OFTEN TELLS ME SHE HATES ME BUT I KNOW WHERE SHE COMES FROM AND CAN UNDERSTAND THE ANGER.  KEEP THE FAITH THOSE THAT CHOOSE RECOVERY FOR DDX CAN GREATLY IMPROVE THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES AND MAINTAIN THEM IF THEY COMPLY TO TREATMENT AND GROWTH.  MY LAST HURDLE WILL BE A COLLEGE DEGREE.  I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE TO TAKE ONE CLASS AT A TIME I WILL DO THIS.  IT WILL BE MY WAY OF COMMING FULL CIRCLE.


Susie Q wrote at 2009-05-03 04:06:26
Hey, I'm sorry about all your trials . I too have a daughter who is bipolar ..Iím reading a book called ď I just want my daughter backĒ  by B C Levinson that I got on amazon.  Itís really a great story about a motherís experiences with her daughterís bipolar disorder.  Itís really inspiring me to keep my chin up and stay strong for her.   You guys have to get this book. I hope all goes well for you.   keep you chin up.

Sue


Tired grandmom wrote at 2012-04-25 16:02:17
I can totally relate.  Have 40 yro bipolar dtr on SSD and does get help, but cannot handle her money.  Has 16 ryo dtr on same road I believe.  Both harass for money for cigarettes and fast food, etc. and I am a 70 yro widow who is trying to work part-time to help subsidize her.  She could make it if she handled the money.  Has had two bankruptcies and spends quicker than look at it.  No concept of money at all, and has a good doctor and on meds, but not always compliant.  That's the problem, I think.



After reading the replies especially from Bansheewomen - I am trying to take a hard stand about not providing cigarette money.  She smokes two packs a day and doesn't take care of her  diabetes the way she should.  I am going to see if standing up to her will change things. You just can't handle the constant upsetment.   I often wondered what would happen if I was not around, how would she cope.  She will have a time of it.   I will always be there to help as we love them, but I keep trying to put it in God's hands and stay strong.  NAMI is a big help, been in it for 10 years, wonderful support.  Good luck.


Jill wrote at 2015-06-24 00:25:24
I want to thank Libby Bonner and the others that have added to this post.  I am sitting here crying, searching for an answer for my almost 21 year old son.  I just want the best for him, for him to be happy, for him to be able to function normally within society.  He hasn't been diagnosed with Bi-polar, but I think he is.  He has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.  After a month of being clean, he just went back to visit his friends in a nearby town we used to live.  That means smoking pot and drinking.  Granted, they might make music or whatever else, but that is almost guaranteed.  When he does come home, which is always supposed to be the next day, but usually is more like a week. He keeps saying he is going to look for a job (initially after a few weeks so his urine would be clean), but he stopped taking his meds again and was/is lethargic as ever.  Sleeping for hours upon hours.  Having a few better hours where he seems almost his regular self, then other hours where he fights being irritable or depressed. He'll just sit and stare in a chair for a long time, thinking.  The one thing he likes doing is making music, but when we get to this state, even that ceases.  I try to love him the best I can, talk with him in general and other times about his future.  He doesn't care if he has food, or money, or things.  He has no goals, no hopes, no wishes.  There is nothing as a carrot to motivate him.  I feel so helpless.  And so sad that I can't help my boy, whom I love so much. All a parent wants for their child is to grow up healthy and have a good life.  Things so many people take for granted. He seems so miserable. He's smart, but it isn't applied for anything.  He had a job about 8 months ago and was doing so well, and after 2 months, he quit. Stayed over with his friends two nights in a row. After the first call off, they let it go.  Of course after the 2nd he was let go. He was on 3 -4 medications.  Some have made him have tremors.  The anxiety medicine makes him tired all the time, even when he is feeling better.  I work 40-45 hours a week.  I wish I could stay home to engage him more, get him into activities, but I can't.  And he just sits and sleeps and sometimes eats and sleeps and sits.  He does engage the other teen kids for an hour or two here or there, but when they, or I have to do something else, he wanders away, back into oblivion.

His dad is manic depressive, who was also abusive and didn't get help, so I FINALLY left with the kids after 14 years, hoping year after year things would get better, but they didn't, they were getting worse again.  I knew something was wrong, but didn't know what.  He didn't think he needed help and didn't like the idea of taking medicine that could make him feel better. He is currently living with his mother, ironically.  The only reason I know he is a manic-depressive is because his girlfriend is a psych nurse, also ironic (I know this from my "ex"mother-in-law.  The contact with him is rare, so I don't know REALLY how he is doing.  He has a job every few years for a short spurt.  Child support is expected negligible because he can't help himself very well. I think he may have started taking something because of a recent phone conversation, but it didn't seem appropriate after not having spoken in a year to start asking about meds.

My brother was diagnosed bi-polar and was on and off his meds for years.  I was 10 years younger than him and didn't understand what was going on. I thought my brother had a drug problem only.  My mom and dad moved to a different state, so I didn't see my brother for a long time.  I am back in the area we grew up in and saw my brother one more time in the last two years he was here.  There were a few family functions he was supposed to come to, but never showed up.  I had the next weekend planned to eat dinner with him, and my other brother who is fighting alcoholism.  It would have been the first time in about 2 years I would've had the opportunity to see him.  Unfortunately, my brother was admitted to the hospital a few days before it.  He was dropped off at the hospital by his girlfriend.  His liver was wore out.  All the drinking and drugs. He was alive for 2 1/2 more weeks. During that time my sister-in-law (he divorced her after their kids grew up, about 8 years prior), was a homing base for him.  She tried to keep him on his meds and be a support for him.  He would disappear for a few weeks or months, then pop up again at her/their house.  She was the pillar of strength in his life, but it wasn't enough.  He made decisions otherwise.  My brother died.  She said they spread his ashes where they went one time for his birthday and had a "good day" with his condition.  His two sons don't have any psych problems, but his grandson named after him does. My son, 1 of 4, does.

My son is almost 21.  I feel like even though I try to be tougher, I feel also like an enabler because nothing has changed.  On his bed tonight was a scrapbook of when he last saw his father, at age 16.  He had his birthday when out there and his dad's girlfriend gave him inspiring and helpful info about how he can help himself, who he is and is not, and a memo in there about what he did for his birthday.  The number 16 stood out - that it has been almost 5 years and he's still struggling.  He is in a better state than how bad it was then, but in need of serious help.  During those 5 years, I got him to go to a psychiatrist, a counselor, a drug counselor, etc.  The most permanent of them, a psych who my son respected, moved out of the country.  I find many times if there is a person that might be helping, they move along in the medical world to a new position, etc.  

I appreciate the advice.  I will look for a NAMI group.  I think my fear, which I knew deep inside probably held true, was that it won't ever be normal/get better in the sense that doesn't require special care and frequent intervention.  When I read the entries, it was realized and inside, my heart fell.  Even though I sort of expected it, I had hoped otherwise.  I get tired, down, and it is hard enough to be me some days.  I am also on Celexa, but upon reading the bi-polar symptoms, I see some of myself.  That's another story. But it is draining even so.  His symptoms haven't been as bad as when he was 15/16 and off the rails (and meds), so for that I should be grateful.  A good day for him is a blessing for me.

Thank you all for sharing.  I am in good company of people who love their family members and are looking for solutions and help.  It is encouraging to know we are not alone.  I wish the best for you all.


Bipolar Disorder

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Libby Bonner

Expertise

I can answers questions from family members of adult patients with serious mental illnesses. I am most familiar with bipolar disorder [manic-depression] and schizophrenia. I use principles of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill to provide clinical info, emotional support, and practical suggestions, including finances/insurance. Emphasis is on family health; family preservation and functioning; coping skills; and effective communications with patients [consumers] and with providers of services. I am not qualified to help families with patients under 18 I cannot answer questions about herbal remedies.

Experience

I have a daughter w/ bipolar illness. Have experience with clinical medicine/psychiatry through my work in a hospital library. I have taken and now monitor the NAMI Family to Family educational program and I facilitate NAMI family caring and sharing evenings.

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