Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 7/31/2006

Question
Hi,
I've known my boyfriend for nearly ten years and we have been dating for nearly two.  I've always known he was very moody, but once we started living together he became nearly impossible.  Every little thing I do or say, that isn't what he wanted me to do or say, sends him into this scary state where he thinks I'm out to get him and cheat on him and that everyone else is, too.  He gets very spiteful and says these things out of anger, like "I hope you die" and stuff.  Then he cries so much...and the only way to get him out of this state is basically to coddle him and be like, "yes, I know it's hard and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to" etc.  He's paranoid and has sever social anxieties, too.

So, recently, I began to not coddle him.  He sees this as a sign that I just truly don't love him, how could i abandon him, etc.  We go through these episodes once every week or two, and I'm just exhausted.  I just can't do it...it's draining me, but I don't know how to bring it up without him freaking out on me again.  I can't walk on egg shells every day for fear of upsetting him or making him think I don't love him, when I do.  He thinks all of our problems are my fault.

Is this bipolar?  How do I talk to him about it?  What if he refuses treatment?  Can I make him understand I can't be the person who keeps his universe in balance?

Answer
Hi . . .

There is no way that I can make a diagnosis over the net. You might want to read, "Stop Walking on Eggshells." No matter what your boyfriends diagnosis might be, I think this book may give you some pointers. You can order the book from Amazon at
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/157224108X/sr=1-1/qid=1154311316/ref=pd_bbs_1/0...

Best regards . . .

Ivan
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