Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 6/8/2006

Question
my brother is just one  year older....
I'm a Pakistani Muslim girl.. 24..
graduated as a dentist DEC 2004, doing masters in public health..
my brother pokes his nose in everything.. all matters.. and I'm losing it completely.. i have no freedom to do anything. if i raise the issue I'll get beaten up.. my father is on anyone's side but mine, my mother wont support. my brother tried to hack my email account the other day. i want to do work with some NGO in the public health sector and HE has an "objection".. "what does it have to do with her dentistry? she should not work in such and such field.."
i confronted him politely about the hacking issue..i asked him "bro.. did you try to log on to my email account?" he replied politely but was a little nervous... he was shocked.. he later went to my mom saying "how DARE she ask ME? how DARE she suspect ME? I'll teach HER a lesson she never forgets.." my mom stopped him. now i want to work and my mom is not letting me, saying "your brother won't like if your work in such and such field.. though he would like if you work in such and such place"...
i wanted to apply for a scholarship for the US.. and I'm not "allowed".. my father says.. ASK for your fiancé's "permission", then his father's permission, IF they say ok THEN you may apply..
i have just one question, will my brother.. or my fiancé (who is in the UK and is my age) ever ask for MY permission? they are suffocating me.. i can do nothing.. they keep a check on me all the time. i can't utilize my potentials.. i am capable of doing so much and i can do nothing because of them..
sometimes i get so tired i want to kill myself.. can't even go to the bathroom without my brother suspecting something..
but if i die.. i won't be able to get back at them......
my sister, she's 4 1/2 years younger.. she is nobody's own.... she will side by the stronger party always.. and the men are happy with her.. just because i have a brain and a tongue.. they hate me..
i can't take it anymore..
my head will  burst they've suffocated me to such a point...
please help me before i do something crazy..  

Answer
Dear Sarah,

I am not sure whether you have bipolar disorder. The question you ask does not seem to be related to bipolar disorder.

But in case you are Bipolar, please go on the hypoglycemic diet that you can find at:

http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/hypoglycemic_diet.html

This will diminish the mood swings.

As to your relationship with your brother, he seems to act as if he owns you. It could well be part of your culture you live in and this is completely different from the culture I live in. You seem to be living under the tyranny of the family.

No women would put up with the way you are being treated by your brother or any other man in Australia.

Perhaps it could help you to study our free self-help psychotherapy course at:

http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/i-psychotherapy.html

The course includes Assertiveness Training that helps to resolve conflict situations. Of course the other person must want to be 'rational' about himself.

If he is not, the best I can advise to leave the family and live on your own resources now that you are graduated. But this is indeed a difficult situation for you.

Also I suggest you consider joining one of the women's movements in Pakistan who want to bring about a change in attitudes towards women in Pakistan and improve conditions for women..

My heart goes out to you and I sincerely hope that you can resolve this dreadful situation.

Please let us know how you go?

Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych), Post Grad Dip Clin Nut.
Author of "Getting off the Hook" (Google Book Search)
For more free articles
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au