Expert: Libby Bonner - 6/22/2006

Question
I am concerned about my 32 year old sister in law.  She was diagnosed about three years ago in the court system that she was bipolar.  She was using meth and got into alot of trouble writing bad checks and stealing from family members.  We found out 3 months ago that my brother has cancer and his wife is off the hook.  My 60 year old mother has been taking my brother for his treatments because his wife found a doctor to put her on 12 different medications and the girl doesn't know if she is coming or going.  We his family feel she should be taking better care of him since she is his wife and yet she tells us that its her bipolar kicking in.  We watch after him all the time to make sure he is getting what he needs but I can't stand to be around her.  She lies all the time constantly tring to get my brother upset with his family members what do you suggest?

Answer
Many many things.  But first get an atty.  Need to find why sister is not still under court order.  Need maybe to report her and/or current doctor.  If children at home, need to report to welfare - if you want the children fostered.

MOSTLY - you have to forget the sister.  She is no longer part of this situation.  You, your mother, other family need to:  take care of your brother; don't stress him by bad-mouthing the wife, and don't respond if she lies, etc.

You can have a good old family fued and try always to be right and the other lady always wrong OR you can love your brother, keep silent about his wife, and pitch in and do what's need for his treatment and recovery.

IF anyone can care for him in their home, he might be asked if that is something that he wants....if he does, move him in w/ one of you as long as needed.

STOP FUEDING.  WIFE IS SICK.  SHE IS IRRESPONSIBLE AND CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE RIGHT NOW, CERTAINLY CAN'T HELP.  GIVE UP ON HATING THE SISTER-IN-LAW; PUT HER OUT OF YOUR PLANS; LOVE YOUR BROTHER AND GIVE HIM SOME PEACE ABOUT HIS WIFE.

Have your fun fued later.  And, by the way, I see no reason whatsoever that a 60 yr old woman could not take son to treatment; many would want to.