Birth Control/Anorgasma


I am 38 years old and have never been able to have an orgasm.  I can seem to get it started with great effort using a vibrator with my partner.  But then I seem to hit a wall & the feeling goes away.  I do not enjoy masterbation, I find it very frustrating & lonely.  I do not feel I am sexually inhibited.  I ended a 21 year relationship because I had a much higher sex drive than my partner.  My personality does tend uptight/ anxious & I have wondered if there could be some sort of connection.  When I was about 3 years old I fell straddling a wet ladder.  I was bleeding & taken to the ER, but received no specific treatment.  Are there common treatments you can tell me about?  I am not sure, but I think this can make my male partners feel inadequate.

Hello Barbara,
It's not unusual to never have an orgasm for women.  For men it's easy, but not for women.  However, you've got something going, since you've had a high sex drive in spite of not having an orgasm.

I don't think there are any common or simple treatments to help you to have an orgasm.  However, there are specialists in sex therapy that I think could help you a great deal.  Sometimes they're hard to find, but they're out there, and worth looking for.  Sex and orgasms are complicated, so there is no simple answer.  Being uptight probably does inhibit orgasm, since having an orgasm is letting go, and being uptight is sort of the opposite.

I think you're correct that this can make your partners feel inadequate, since they very much would like to be able to help give you an orgasm.  However, if they're willing to work with you, seeing a sex therapist together could be very helpful.

There are no easy answers, but I encourage you to find a good sex therapist.  Best wishes.

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Norman Solberg


I am an OB-GYN physician. I can answer almost any question related to women's health.


35 years in an active OB-GYN practice.

Fellow, American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology

MD OB-GYN specialist

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