Expert: Guy Curious - 7/4/2010

Question
Hello:  I am a mid 30's male who is divorced raising three young children on my own.  A few years ago I started to become curious and attracted to men after being with women all my teenage life and early adulthood.  I will admit that the same sex I was at time attracted to, but never ventured that way.  I did have several brief encounters with men after my divorce several years ago.  I met a young gay man in his 20's almost two years ago.  What I thought would be a one time hook up ended up being multiple times.  After 10 months of seeing each other all the time, I purposely drifted apart, but remained close friends.  I was getting concerned because I didn't understand what was happening, and I had small children, etc...  Recently we started seeing each other in a romantic way again.  We was crushed a year ago when I told him that it wouldn't work in this lifetime.  I never told him about my children.  he still doesn't know.  What I do know is that for almost two years, all I do is think about him.  I care for him very much, and I know he cares about me.  This has developed into a real "love" situation and I don't know what to do.  I'm a successful, educated businessman, with small children.  What the hell do I do?  Is this normal?  I would do anything for this person.  In fact, I've never had these kinds of feelings for anyone in my life.  I feel like I'm going crazy because this is against everything I was really brought up to believe.  Please help me.  I just don't know what to do.  But I do truly care for this person.  This isn't something that was a fling that has lasted for a few weeks or months.  I feel as strong about this person now, as I did shortly after we met.  In fact, more.  However, I still find women to be attractive.  Help - Thank you so much

Answer
Ah, welcome to the world of bisexuality.  I get the feeling you're concerned about the way others will perceive you if they find out about your bisexuality.  Understandable.  You and I grew up in a time when gay men were viewed in a very negative way.  Bisexual men were just "confused."  

So here we are, in our 30's, some with wives and families and the ugly demon, aka bisexuality, rears it's ugly head and we try to wrap our head around these strange feelings we're experiencing.  Rest assured you're not the only one out there.

The first thing I would do is tell him about your kids.  This could be a deal breaker for him, maybe not but he does need to know.  If he's okay with it then you need to decide what you want.  If you want him then have him !  Screw what others think.  Do what makes you happy.  Yes, some of your friends/family may withdraw from you but those who are true friends/family will support you.  

Life is too short to sit on the sidelines, Carpe Diem !  You don't want to be sitting in your rocking chair at the retirement home wondering, "What if......"

Take a chance, grab the bull by the horns.  Kids these days are far more open minded than we were.  They'll adjust and life will go on.

I hope this helps and please write back if you want to chat further.