Expert: Mrs. Discreet - 7/19/2010

Question
Im 23 years old and in a serious relationship with a 26 yr old woman thats bisexual. We have been together for 1yr and 6 months,we have been living together for 6 of those months and its been going down hill since. from the beging she told me that she used to like girls and it was just a phase. i told her its not just a phase when u had a relationship with a woman for a year then break up and get back with the female for another 8 months after the fact,if im wrong please correct me. i also told her that i have no problem with her having sexual relations with the female as long as she is honest with me before we get serious because no one is perfect, she maintained that she not interested in females. everything was okay till we moved in together. our sex life isnt that good and when i try to give her oral sex she dosent like it. ive asked how she likes it and that still havent worked,this makes me feel like i cant satisfy her all the way knowing she was with a woman. 2 months ago she said to me im bisexual during a convo about the difference between gay and bi,that was a flag to me being that in the beging she said she wasent anymore. she's back in contact with the female and ive recently met her. she a pretty girl and has a cool personality.. i could tell that they still have feeling's toward another by their body language and how they where talking and looking at each other. also my girlfriend introudced her to everyone at the party except me,till 30 mins later. i felt a little down, because i should have been the first person she met. my problem is why do she lie to me and tell me shes not bi when i told her that im kool with it, knowing she is. my girlfriend said to me she's just a good friend and their not going to have sex. why do u think she lies to me like this???? she also has attitudes for no reason. i think its because she still likes women and when she wants her ex instead of being honest she gets attitudes and wants to argue with me for no reason and then say i started it. i just dont understand it,im not perfect but its deeper than me i know it. i love her and want to make it work but we argue like we've been married 20yrs,lol. now i feel like she been lying the whole time and thats not good. i want it to work but i think its best we are freinds,how do u feel? i find it weird her knowing im cool with it but she denies it and ive noticed all of her close friend are bi. her ex girlfriend does have a boyfriend. i have mixed emotions because i want to see them in action but i dont want my girlfriend doing that around her boyfriend. but once again she maintained that she dosent do threesomes but i feel like she lying. i need your advice/opinon because with the dishonesty she been doing its not going to work but i love her. also i cant trust her because i told her in the beging i can except it as long she's honest with me and she did the opposite.she dosent want me having sex with other females or talking/hanging with my exs but its okay for her! thats a problem and she's been lying to me on top of that! what do think the outcome will be. thanks for taking the time to read this and i think u will give me great adivce being that you are a mature bi woman

Answer
Jody,

I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation, and hopefully I will be able to help.

It seems to me that your girlfriend is confused on how she really feels.
She may think that it was a phase at one point, but it looks as though she just doesn't want to face her true feelings in regards to her sexuality.
She may even feel that although you say you are okay with it, you might not be. She may be afraid of losing you and doesn't want that to happen.

Open and honest communication is vital to any relationship, especially a relationship where one or more of the persons are sexually and/or emotionally involved with another.
I would be honest with your girlfriend and talk with her in a loving way. Do not come at her with any accusations, or she will take the defensive stance and shut down.
Let her know that you do not mind her being bisexual, but that you need her to be honest with you about it and to talk with you about any and all feelings.
Also, let her know that you need to be able to trust her, and that you do not right now. If you are not able to trust her, then that is not healthy to your relationship and it will eventually go down the path to ultimate destruction.

I would also let her know that her seeing her ex in any form is the same as you seeing one of your exes, and that you do not appreciate it and do not feel respected.

I hope I have been able to help, and if you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to ask.