Expert: Guy Curious - 8/17/2010

Question
First I'm not comfortable with this idea. But I haven't said anything bad
to my husband. He's had dreams of having intercourse with men. This
dream has gone on for 2 yrs. But just in the past months or so he said
that he gets turned on by the idea of having intercourse with a male. But
he doesn't think of them in the physical way just the sexually way. It
bothers me that he's looked at Guy on Guy porn. And hadn't said
anything till now about this. I try to tell him how I feel but I don't want to
hurt him or make him feel nasty. By the way we have been married for a
lmost 6 yrs and have 4 kids. He says he loves me and loves being married
and loves making love to me. But I have noticed that when we make love
its harder for him to orgasm or it takes a long time and sometimes we
never finish. He says it has nothing to do with me or he says he doesn't
know what's up. Or why it takes so long.   so please could u help. I doing
talk to any one about this, or do I know any one who can talk about this.

Answer
My first suggestion is for you to sit down with him and explain how you feel.  Don't hold back on expressing what you are feeling inside but do so in a non-confrontational way.  Keep the conversation calm and non judgemental.

I'm attracted to males but in a purely sexual manner.  I have no desire to have a relationship with another guy, it's just sexual for me.  I love my wife and my kids and will not jeopardize that for anything.  If one day my wife decides she is no longer comfortable with me being with other guys then I will abide by her wishes as my family is more important than anything. My wife is an incredible woman and I am lucky to have her.

It's very hard for guys who have been 'straight' to finally come to terms with being bisexual.  I repressed my desires for years until I could no longer do so.  I told my wife one night and she was very understanding and supportive.  It took years for her to finally become comfortable with who I am.  We always kept the lines of communication open.

As for his difficulty in achieving an orgasm I can tell you from personal experience as we get older sometimes this happens.  It could be the mental pressure he is under trying to figure out his sexuality, could be a physical problem.

Talk with your husband, be open about your feelings, keep the conversation calm, let him talk about what he is experiencing emotionally and physically, keep an open mind.  People change as they get older, relationships change, sometimes desires change.  He says he still loves you and loves being with you.  Embrace that.  Right now he needs your support and love.

I hope this helps and please write back if you wish to talk more.