Expert: Guy Curious - 1/26/2011

Question
We have 29 years together married. Three children the youngest is nineteen. When my middle daughter moved to another state my husband decided to pick up a stranger in a local book store after viewing some movies.  He told me this was the first time he had picked someone up. I have wondered for some time if he was Bisexual but he has also denied it.  I have asked and begged for him to share with me. I have brought home men /men bi videos and still he acted like psst.
Several months before Christmas I got a call at home a man needing to talk to him claims he worked with him but didn't have a work number.  Long story short My husband would leave as soon as he got a call from this man. Late one night while  I was at work I received a phone call.
This man described my bedroom, my sheets, my house and knew details about my personal life and told me about my husband being with him and he was going to black male him. I found all of this out after Christmas it made me sick to think that my husband cheated on me with a man in our bed and never once gave any thought to how it would end.
What if our old daughter would of stopped in? Now here is the thing!  My wonderful loving husband works in the mental health field ... I soon came to realize that the blue blanket this man described were MY favorite brand new blue sheets. Sometimes at night I lay in bed and cry when I look at him,
If I see a Therapist he said I would embarrass him our sex life the last few years has stunk!
I have no trust left part of me wants to leave, part of me said divorce him kick him out, get more videos then I see him doing this all over again but part of me wants to paint the bedroom after i got paint chips I figured why cover the walls he didn't damage those. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

Answer
Sorry to hear about your husbands infidelity.  The first thing you need to decide is if you want to stay married to him.  He has violated the fidelity of the marriage even after you expressed an open minded attitude towards his sexuality.  There are a million married bi guys out there who would kill for a wife that was okay with male bisexuality.  

Now your husband is giving out his home phone number and inviting guys over when you're not home and these guys are calling you to discuss the sexual activities between themselves and your husband.  This is a very bad situation for you both mentally and physically.  If you husband has been having unsafe sex he is putting you at risk.

So your first decision is whether to work on rebuilding the trust of the marriage.  If so, then give your husband an ultimatum.  Either he starts attending marriage counseling sessions with you or the marriage is over.

You have done nothing wrong, he is the one who choose his sexual desires over the marriage.  

I hope this helps and please write back and let me know how you're doing.