Expert: Guy Curious - 1/6/2011

Question
hi there i am a 40 year old man married for 12 years and me and my wife have a good sex life but there is on problem i think that i am bi i like bi sex porn it really turns me one and the thought of being with a man makes me hard and swinging would be fun to do and seeing my wife with an other man or woman and i want to be with a man in front of her but i think she would see me in a different light please help me

Answer
Yes, she will definitely view you in a different way but that's not necessarily a bad thing.  I can't speak as to how you're wife would respond if you were to come out to her.  

Start by bringing up the idea of swinging and see how she responds.  Some women are very open to the idea of male bisexuality, some are not.  I don't know your wife so I don't know her position.  I didn't know my wife's feelings about it until I came out to her.  Then we had a long conversation and life has been good ever since.

You really have two choice.  First, bury your desires and live your life as you have been.  Second, talk to your wife, tell her about your desires and go from there.

There is no magic answer to your dilemma.  Telling your wife you're bisexual is a terrifying thought, I've been there.  But for me living with the secret was crushing me internally.  I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders but I knew I didn't want to keep it a secret any longer.  I was lucky, my wife was very understanding and non judgmental.  Since then we've had several 'dates' with other bisexual people and my wife has done some experimenting !

I hope this helps and please write back and let me know how you're doing.