Expert: Guy Curious - 2/18/2011

Question
Hi there

I am feeling really stupid having to look for advise in the net as my fiance and I do have honest and open communication. But I feel so bad cause yesterday we argued about something and I am determined to get to the root of it, hopefully with your help.

My fiance and I are very in love and happy. He is bisexual and that has never been any problem for any of us. He had in the past been engaged in threesomes with his gf at the time and other girls. This became so frequent that in the end destroyed the relationship they had. Being with other men was also a huge thrill for him. He has never been romantically involved with a man and reckons he just did it and liked it cause of the thrill. He is in love now and not interested in that type of thrill anymore (his own words) but just being with me.

Anyhow, so far so good. There is only one thing. He has a very good female friend who does not stop "joking" about his past and how he was chased by men (he is very handsome) and this and that (sometimes very explicit stuff). They used to be flatmates. I just can't handle it. It makes me feel uncomfortable as truly I do not want to know any details of his gay experiences. And if I ever want to know I would like to know from him and not from a third party. So I told him and she talked to her.
But it seems she is not getting it, as she just mentioned something again the other day. Bottom line is that I am now oversensitive to every single thing related to his bi-past which is not good for us.  


I am such an easy going and open minded person I do not understand my reaction (most so aversion now) to the subject which is having a negative impact on us. Why am I this way? And what is the best way to deal with this? I do not want to create any taboos between us and I want him to keep his friends.  

Thank you.

Answer
He should tell his friend that her comments about his past are making his fiance uncomfortable and she needs to stop or he will have to end their friendship.  If she persists then he needs to stop inviting her around.  Maybe that will help her get the point.

I'm not sure why you are becoming sensitive to her comments about his past.  He has told you he is happy with a monogamous relationship with you.  I think once the friend sees the light and holds her tongue you'll be able to relax a bit.

Now, if he does talk with her and she continues then maybe you could put her on the spot by asking her why she is so infatuated with his bisexual past.  Ask her if she is unhappy with her own life and tries to live vicariously through his past.  Put her on the spot, make her uncomfortable.  Maybe that'll get the point across.

I hope this helps and please write back and let me know how you're doing.