Expert: Guy Curious - 8/11/2011

Question
QUESTION: A few months ago I saw a couple of text msgs that my boyfriend was sending to another guy about meeting up and having sex which also led to a couple of dirtier ones about what they were going to do.  At first I kinda struggled with the right or wrong of it, even though it turns me on to think about him with another man.  I decided I am okay with it.  I have since tried to initiate conversations about it such as telling him I think its hot and it wouldn't bother me at all if he was, and we have even gotten on a website to hookup with men, women or couples.  I have asked him if he is okay with being with a man because I like it, I even went far enough to say are you bi or straight when we did the profile.  He said straight but he is okay with being with one if that is what turns me on and whatever I want.  He won't admit to me and I am 99% sure based on the texts.   I told him that I don't want him to do something he doesn't want to but I wouldn't mind at all to see him with another man.  I am pretty sure he went to see his "friend" again this past weekend while I was working.  We have had many convo's about it and he knows I am open and very okay with it, but why will he still not admit to me that he is and that he goes to see this guy? Will he ever?  I just want him to tell me, I know it would take a lot off of him if he would.  Do you think he is going to wait until after we have an mmf experience to tell me he likes it?  Is he just in denial or just still scared to tell me?

ANSWER: I'm happy to read you didn't explode when you find out although he is going about this the wrong way, IMO.  Society views male bisexuality in a negative light which forces many bi guys to stay in the closet.  Your boyfriend may very well be struggling with his bi feelings.  One thing you could do is rent some bi porn and surprise him with it.  See how he reacts.

Your support will be crucial in helping him find his way.  It's scary for a guy to admit to his wife or girlfriend that he is or could be bisexual.  Based on what you've told me he knows you're okay with the idea but now he needs time to become comfortable enough to tell you.

If you do have a MMF this could be the tipping point for him to come out and tell you about his desires.  Or he could clam up for a while until his mind has had some time to process the evening.  

Now for the heavy part of the conversation.  If he is sleeping with other guys you need to know for the sake of your health.  Heaven forbid he picks up a STD and gives it to you.  So I wouldn't wait too long before pushing this conversation along.  You need to know what he is doing sexually.

I hope this helps and please write back and let me know how you're doing.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you so much.  I am trying to be very supportive of him if he will let me that is. I certainly do not have a problem with it. Can you tell me what a typical reaction would be to the bi porn? I have shown him some, but he didn't really have a reaction to the males, but he did to the female/male scene.  Everyday I mention something so we can talk about it some and hopefully one day he will feel comfortable enough to finally tell me.  Maybe he is waiting until after we have an MMF to tell me that he likes it??? Thanks again for the responses. I really needed some advice. It does help greatly.

Answer
A positive reaction would be him getting an erection, not hitting the fast forward button when it's a guy/guy scene, etc.  

He might open up (no pun intended) after the two of you have a MMF encounter.  Just make sure he is comfortable with the other guy and the situation, no pressure.

Let me know how it works out.