Expert: ***ERICA*** - 1/28/2008

Question
"I previously asked this question to Miss Relationship and had a follow up but she is on Vacation. You can read the my orginal question below; my question today is. I haven't heard from my girlfriend in over a week and I am wondering if not talking to her is a big mistake?
Thanks, Mike
Original question: My girlfriend of 5 months ran into her ex a couple of weeks ago. She dated this guy for 7 years, from High school until a couple of years ago. Here is the kicker he just got out of jail, after 2 years. The guy has struggled with addiction since high school. This guy cheated on her and left her. She told me she did not necessarily want to get back together, but she could not get the idea of regret for it not working out out of her head. Now she is questioning what to do, she tells me that she loves me but she is worried about regrets, because they did not end it on bad terms, he left to go to rehab and the next she heard from him he was in prison. This all came to light last Wednesday Jan. 16th. We talked a Wed. and Thurs, and we were supposed to see each other Friday but I called it off to give her some time to think. I broke down and called her on that Friday night and we talked for a few minutes and she agreed that she needed some space to think. I have not heard from here since, that was Jan. 18th. This has completely blind sided me, up to this point we have not had even the slightest disagreement. Is she just having cold feet, because things between have gone so well between us and she has not experienced this before? Should I bail? By the way I am 36 she is 28.    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Answer You're right to be confused, you're in a rather precarious situation in your relationship. It sounds to me that this girl might be more inexperienced in the dating world- much more so than you. You and I can both see the red flags SCREAMING that this guy is bad news, and yet, she doesn't seem to be phased. I suggest you give her the space she needs and hopefully she'll come to her senses- she needs to remember that if the relationship didn't work the first time, it's probably and most likely not going to work the second or third time around. I would hold myself at arm's length, and try to separate myself a little from the situation. You've made your feelings clear, and if that isn't enough for her, then you need to find someone who realizes how amazing you are, and value you- you should not be in some sort of competition for her attention and affection. I think that I would set a deadline (for yourself, don't tell her about it) and if things don't clear up by then, you should cut your losses and move on.  "

Answer
Hi Mike,
Absolutely not.... whether you had talked to her or not would not have changed the outcome of the situation.... it may have prolonged it, but wouldn't have changed the outcome.  Give her the space that she needs to figure out what it is that she is doing.  She may feel like she has some "unfinished" business with this other guy.  She may also feel that he "needs her" and sometimes the first instinct in women is to "take care" of someone.  That is the nurturing side of us.... If you can hang in there.... good luck, but you may want to reconsider the situation that you are in.... I hope this helps...