Expert: ***ERICA*** - 1/8/2008

Question
I need advice on how to cope with my first heartbreak and on whether or not
I should continue to speak to my ex. Although we only dated for 2 months, it
felt much longer considering I saw him every day. He is also my neighbor, so
that makes it very hard to get over him. If I step out of the door his window is
5 feet away. It's very difficult to cope with this without checking to see if he's
home, knocking on his door, talking to his roommates. I'm still friends with
the roommates, so it makes it more difficult to get over it. I love him with all
of my heart and really want him back. I am supposed to see him today for the
first time since he dumped me. It's been about a month and doesn't seem to
be getting better. It's in fact getting worse being without him. He broke up
with my because we didn't have anything in common, and he couldn't see me
as his wife in the future. I think those are very silly reasons. If someone
makes you happy, why wouldn't that be enough for such a new relationship.
Should I ask for him back and try to smooth out the misunderstandings when
I see him? If he doesn't want me back, should I try to be his friend or will that
worsen the situation. Thanks for your help.

Answer
Hi Sarah,  Coping with any heartbreak especially the first is really hard.  It doesn't matter how long you were with the person because there are people that I know who have been with someone a very long time, but their feelings for someone who they didn't know for a long time were stronger than those for the first.  But, you say that his reasoning is silly as to why you guys broke up.  I think you don't want to really hear what he is saying... I am sure that there have been people in your life that you have really cared about and didn't think that you had very much in common with them and wouldn't let a relationship/friendship go any further.  During the first few months of a relationship is when you determine whether the person you are with is who you want to continue to have a relationship with based on a variety of reasons.  Please don't take his "dumping" you personally (easier said than done).  Different people want different things and ... "he just isn't that into you."  So, now you have to brush yourself off, take some time out for yourself, figure out what you want, and then be selective as to who deserves to be with you.  I would never ask someone back when they made it perfectly clear that they didn't want to be with me.  I quote this saying often, but it is one of my favorite... "Anything you chase in life runs away."  Very true.  I find that it is nearly impossible to be friends with an ex until a lot of time has passed and both parties have moved on with their lives 100% and typically by then you have no reason(s) to be friends anyway.  The best revenge is making your life as great as it can be without him - even if he doesn't notice.  I think that because you two spent so much time together you fell out of the "Sarah" routine and invested too much time and energy into this relationship early and lost yourself.  Get yourself back and take baby steps to keep living not existing.  Good Luck