Expert: ***ERICA*** - 1/29/2008

Question
my fiance of 5 1/2 years has recently decided to take a break from our relationship, she has moved and gotten an appartment. we have lived together for the longest and i have always thought i was giving her everything she ever wanted. my industry has taken a tumble and obviously financial problems arose... we moved to a different state (her hometown) and i feel left out... she has done some changes to herself and appearance which i dont agree with but then again i have always been a person who says that you must face your consequences and that you must do whatyou want even if people araound you dont liek it... any ways we're supposed to be on a break and she has told the changes she wants to see in me which are dont drink... which i dont ( i have binged drink when going out maybe twice a year) and to be happy... yet i felt happy when i was with  her... i really want to give her space and let her go but yes it hurts that after this long time with her i have to adjust my life to this new future , i come from a background were you dont quit on things you work them out if you can and then you move on , but ccommunication with her has always been difficult, even today i still cannot get what she wants from me on this break and i think that she's confuseing her feelings with mine, i dont want to date other people.... this is a new town i dont have many friends (hardly) any and if i go out i'm gonna flirt to meet girls.. i dont want to o that yet but am i crying over somethign that is no longer there .any help would be appreciated thanks

Answer
Dear Luis,

The best thing that you can do right now is take care of yourself because you have had a lot of changes go on in a short amount of time.  I know that this is difficult and we blame ourselves for what we may or may not have done in the relationship, but the truth is you need to focus on you and the healthier you become the better choice(s) you are going to be able to make. Even though our backgrounds tell us to keep trying - we can't make something work when someone else doesn't want it to work and we can't force them to want something when they obviously have their own agenda going on. I would join some social clubs depending on what you enjoy doing and try to meet new people if you want to stay in that town...... I would give her the break and space that she needs and it can be very empowering to reinvent/recreate/and rediscover yourself..... Good Luck.... I know its a very tough time... I hope this helped...