Expert: ***ERICA*** - 1/19/2008

Question
me and my girlfriend were together for one and a half years.she just told me she am
needed time.i even showed up at her work and she acted like she didn't even know me i thought i could win her back i love and miss her so much. okay,first of all she is Muslim and i am not i am native American so she had to hide me from her family so i only seen her twice a week at best.she would call me all the time and tell me how much she loved me up until a month and half ago.she lives with her mom and her mom is so strict like  be in by 10.she could never spend the night and she is 32.she married a white guy and he cheated and did her wrong and her family said they would disown her if she does it again.okay around November i told her i was going to move there in DEC and she was so so happy but then we started to argue allot so i said baby lets take 3 months tops and then i will move there and she was so so so mad.right before Xmas and after i said that she changed but i know how much she loved me just 2 weeks ago she told me i was her best friend and she loved me.she would cry sometimes when we made love cause she was happy.i was calling her for 3 days she would answer and i would text her and tell her i will move there next month get a job there and it will be great.she said its to late and hangs the phone up on me.she is cold i miss her so much i haven't called or text in 3 days and i am dying i just cant believe she isn't missing me .we would talk every day for the last year and a half all the time.she lives in de and i live in Maryland about 45 min.sorry if i wasn't clear enough one more thing.we were engaged she got mad and gave ring back after argument so on Xmas i pulled ring out and said please take it and i  will move here and it will be good and she said no.   please help


Answer
Hi Chebon,
Time my friend and space is all you can do.  There is nothing at this point that you can do that will have a positive impact on your relationship.  Anything you do to "push" or "beg" her will surely push her out the door permanently.  There are a lot of issues here that aren't yours and that she needs to deal with and address.  I understand about the difference in culture, however, at some point you either are in love with someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them or you don't.  It really is that simple.  All of her past experiences are not your fault and you need to understand that she needs to deal with them herself.  A timeout is probably the best thing for both of you right now.  I know that it hurts to the very core of your being, but she said, "no" when you asked her to marry you again.... she pretends that she doesn't even know you.... these are painful experiences and you feel rejected and sometimes when we feel rejected we do things out of the norm because rejection is one of the worst feelings in the world.  But, you must maintain your life, your self worth, and your self dignity.  Give her some space and if she comes around and deals with her own issues then you decide if this is what you want.  I wish you the best... and I hope this helps.. Good Luck