Expert: ***ERICA*** - 1/13/2008

Question
Hi, never done this before.  I was dumped last night.  I feel she's the love of my life, she feels that I give her too many highs and lows.  I can make her happier than anyone in the world yet I can also make her enter a place in her heart she swore she would never go, the saddest place in the world for her.  She is borderline personality and I have a tendency to rain on parades, although I've tried to become better and better.

Anyway, another complication, she cheated on me, I filed divorce, tried to take my daughter away to wear I'm from, and after returning, we both tried reconciliation, and never quite did make it there.  She dumped me.  That was Jan 1 06, when all that ended, and then, suddenly, early Dec 07, she was being neglected by her bf, and gravitated to me.  I opened a door to emotions I never thought I could again.  It was bliss.  Moved to fast.  Then I screwed up by angering her mother, and completely devestated her, and suddenly she's back with the ex, who pays attention now.

Our daughter is the most important thing in our lives, and upon entering we agreed we would go back to the way we were.  Friends, partners in divorce, raising our child 50/50.

So I don't know the question at hand....  How does a man just move on with his life in such a complex situation where I see her and talk to her a few times a week?  Thank you

Answer
Hi Chris... the answer to your question... with a lot of strength, maturity, and keeping your child's well-being first and foremost.  If she has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder - one of the signs is "having tremendous difficulty with inter-personal relationships."  Don't beat yourself up for opening a door that you thought was closed forever.  It is obvious that you truly loved this woman at one time because you married and had a child with her so, it is natural to have a small glimpse of hope that with enough time passing that the dynamics could change and maybe it could work.  Many couples do that.  But, without serious counseling and both parties willing to do whatever it takes - it sets the relationship up for failure.  That is great that you came to a mutually agreed upon decision regarding the child rearing responsibilites and you can only go from there.  Issues come up in relationships all the time and I think that there is probably more to the situation than you may even know because you state that she ran back to the ex.  Healthy people try to take care of themselves instead of running right into another relationship.... Good Luck and I wish you the best