Expert: ***ERICA*** - 1/4/2008

Question
dude ended our 3 mth hangout session on new yrs eve. . .yes, four days ago to b x-act. and i'm still in heartache mode on account of his abrupt behavior on the matter. i feel jst wretched -- can't eat or sleep much since. i brk in2 tears of jst the mere thought him. everthing around me, reminds me of him. i keep tellin' myself that i'll get over him quick because i typically have a rebound rate of less than a day or so, and i'm back to scamming the next hot guy in question, but dude in particular aka paul gotten me into so deep with him. you see, he's been in love with me since day 1 and i only began to fall so hard for him eleven days ago. . .saying things that i loved him. . .and absolutely, without question i do so.
what had happened was that he saw a chat log of mine, and when i owned up to the truth of it that it was a friend that we x change pleasantries & sometimes our sexual escapades for our amusement, but during that chat it was more of a 'wats new wid u' type log, it didn't matter -- that in itself was a dealbreaker for him and he basically ended it without a chance to consider my constant pleas.

the damage was already done. needless to say that, it fueled him to saying such awful things to me. that he's so disgusted by me, that he can no longer see me as before, and i broke his trust. as if i had cheated on him, b/cuz the chat incident happened right before his eyes.

in my defense, i absolutely know im entirely at fault, but for it end like this. . .it seems it isn't fair.

question: i am completely in love with him still, and because it began as a new friendship, whiched blossomed more with emotions attached, is this worth saving? and if so, how do i go about doing just that?

question: if i decide to wait it out till a month from now, do you think he would b ready and willing for a reconcillation or a possible meet/greet with me?
should i call him? send him a card thru snail mail? wats the appropriate way of going abou this?

question: can you tell me how guys tend to cope with being the one doing the dumping? paul's eyes was filled with so much anger and hurt, even though i called him out on it, he seemed so indifferent about my feelings.


p.s. worse case scenario is that he won't want me and continues to stand firm on his decision. if that is so, how do i carry on from then on?

please help! thank you. . .j

Answer
Dear Julia,
Happy New Year - I hope its working out better for you.  There is a saying that is very true, "anything we chase in life runs away."  Obviously, Paul is angry/hurt and has made a decision.  I would give him some time to think things through and see if he changes his mind on his own. I wouldn't do anything else - you probably said everything that you could say and I am sure he knows how you feel.  I am still old fashioned and traditional in that I want the guy to do the chasing because they are "hunters" by nature.  Worst case scenario if he stands firm on his decision then you don't want to be with someone that doesn't want you anyway.  You will carry on and learn from your mistakes.  I will leave you with this "treat others today how you would want them to treat you tomorrow." That holds me to task.... Good Luck and Best Wishes