Expert: ***ERICA*** - 1/1/2008

Question
we were together for 2 years and together constantly! we were each others support and talked about getting married. i changed him for the better and he always told me how much i meant to him. recently we fell apart. and a few months later he found a new girlfriend whom is not his type at all. but he is all stupid now and not the same person i knew for almost 3 years and she is young and stupid and telling him she loves him 2 months into the relationship...i want him back. i know i need to give him time. what should i do?

Answer
Dear Kathy... breakups hurt... and its worse when the person that you love so much finds someone else.  The only thing you can do is take care of you.  I have told everyone that I know or give advice to that 2008 is the year that we take control of our lives again.  The one thing that we can never get back is the amount of time we invest into relationships that are going nowhere.  It hurts when you help someone through difficult points in their life and then its over.  I have done that many many times.  So, I finally stopped taking care of others and started taking care of myself and in the beginning it was very difficult to do, but now after alot of practice it feels wonderful.  Imagine taking all of that time and energy that you have devoted to someone else and you devote it to yourself.  There is this book called Why Men Love Bitches.  It's very good.  It made me take a good look at myself and figure out why I do the things that I do and what I needed to change about myself to take care of me.  The question here is, "Why do you want someone back that doesn't want to be with you?"  I bet you are an amazing person - you have to be to be that supportive to someone through hard times - that speaks a lot about your character so, don't you want someone who will appreciate and cherish you for the amazing person that you are?  We are so busy helping them that we forget about ourselves.  The only thing that you can do whether you want him back or eventually move on with your life is time.  I use to hate when people would tell me that.  Allow yourself 10 minutes a day to think about him and your memories. Then, spend the rest of the day feeling great about who you are as a person!!  Embrace life... we only have one shot at it... Someone great is out there for you - be ready to accept him.....  I know its a lot easier said than done, but I have gone through it.... I promise that you are going to be okay.  People come in our lives for one of three reasons.... either a lesson, reason, or a journey.  You will figure out what is suppose to happen... Good Luck and Happy New Year!!