Expert: ***ERICA*** - 1/18/2008

Question
Dear Erica,

I have to ask you a question about the situation I'm in right now. My girlfriend/fiancee ending our relationship after being together for 4 years. According to her (she's still in college, and I'm 25 working full-time) that I was pressuring her too much and she needed some space.

The next day, she sent me a text message saying that she still loves me and when she was ready to talk she would call me.

I love her more than anything in the world, and I would do anything to makes things better but right now it seems like she wants no part of me. The one thing I noticed is that she changes since the days of when I met her. She has been drinking a lot more and partying much more than she ever has.

Should I wait for her or move on, I am really hoping that this whole situation works out for the best of us?

Answer
Dear Jason... You really didn't give me a lot of info to go by so, I will try to help you the best that I can.... A breakup is exactly that... a breakup.... I think that it is unfair for her to call you the next day and tell you that she loves you and she will call you when she is ready to talk... what if that is in 2010? or 2020?  Breakups are never easy... they are very painful, but... it is important to surround yourself with people who care about you and take this time to reinvent yourself and figure out what it is that you want for your life.  Try to not jump into another situation as this tends to be a band aid atleast for the short term.  Perhaps this time apart will allow you to really take a look at the situation for what it is.  I am sure that she isn't use to being without you in her life so, she probably made the phone call to make sure that you would be there in the event that she doesn't like the "space" thing.  Whether you let her go and move on or not is completely up to you... However, please get out there and still continue to live your life because you don't know when or if she is going to want to get back together and the sooner you develop a great life for yourself... the easier it will be either way the situation goes.... I am a strong believer that if you love something you should set it free.... if it comes back it was meant to be..... very cliche' but, very true.... Rarely, have I seen relationships work in the long term after a time out.... usually people get back together for a short time out of conveience and comfortability... I can't say that it doesn't happen, but it doesn't happen a lot successfully... otherwise there wouldn't have been a breakup to begin with.... Good Luck and I hope this helped...