Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/31/2008

Question
I just thought I'd ask some advice.
My name is Adam.  
My girlfriend and I were together for 14 months. We were good friend before we started dating and live in the same town. We had an amazing time together, a great sex life (aside from both living at home which dampered it some), and trust each other without fail. She broke up with me on Sept. 18th of this year. Over the course of our relationship, we had great times and no problems. Small bouts here and there but only trivial stuff.
Unfortunately, about 3 weeks after we started dating, her family discovered that her Father had been cheating on her Mom and had a 6 month old child. Their family was the picture of perfection until this crucial moment. Since then, her parents have divorced, both have started dating other people, and she had to live at home with her Mom after graduating from college.
She broke up with me because she said she just couldn't deal with a relationship but loved me more than anything. She didn't feel it was fair to me because she didn't want me to have to wait for her to be ready and she didn't want the added pressure of me waiting. In the past month and a  half she has been seeing a counselor finally, moved into an apartment, and I have also moved into a new place. She has been trying to push away the relationship to make it easier on herself, but it is hard on me as she was exactly what I wanted. I want her to want me and do not want to pressure her, so I am waiting while still trying to move ahead.
We are in a small town and have the same friends, so we inevitably see each other. There isn't tension, but I am afraid of just being a friend or making her indifferent. What do you feel I should do?
Also, how do you feel about instant messaging or facebook texting? They seem so impersonal but it's what she prefers.
I can elaborate on anything.
Thank you so, so much for any advice.
Sincerely,
Adam

P.S. Here is some further info if you are interested...
I am 27 and she is almost 24. I am very successful as a Realtor and love the peaceful area in VT where we live. I used to be a 42 inch waist in high school but am now very toned and built at only 33 inch waist so I work out consistently to stay very fit.
Her family loves me and she loves mine.
She is my first long term girlfriend, but partially because I have dated others and just never been as interested. I do not lead girls on if I don't feel a vibe. We have both only had sex with a couple other people and due to that and being great friends, we have had an amazing level of trust.
When we broke up, she did say she needed to work her things out without always leaning on me, that she wanted to be independent and feel significant, that she was afraid she couldn't love me like her Dad did to her Mom, and that she was afraid to try and work on things and hurt me more down the line. Help!

Answer
Dear Adam,
All you can do is give her space and have no contact with her to allow her to sort through whatever she needs to sort through and figure it out.  You can't make someone want you - they have to feel the same way in order for a relationship to work out.  Having any sort of contact with her doesn't give her the space and time that she needs to possibly miss you.  You seem to have accomplished quite a bit in your own life and you should continue to do so.  If things are meant to be they have a funny way of working out, but you have to be prepared that they may not because she is telling you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.  As painful as that may be that is where she stands.  I don't think that the answer is to jump into another situation, but rather to deal with this pain and get through it with family and friends.  Someone will move mountains for the person that they want to be with.  Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica