Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/16/2008

Question
QUESTION: Ok, this is a long one, so I want to apologize in advance.

I've known this guy for a year and a half (he's our blacksmith, meaning he trims my horses hooves). When I first met him, it hit me like lightening that "Wow, he could be the one", like a soulmate kind of thing.

I found out that he had a gf, (he told me) and then a couple months later, he was engaged. I started thinking, OK, maybe he's NOT the one for me then. I liked him, but realizing he had a gf, I willed myself not to do anything because he's involved. Fast forward to a couple months later, I found out that he broke it off because it was moving too fast. I thought he liked me, because he gave alot of signs, or so I thought.

He has hinted at coming over in the past. Back in June, he suggested coming over for my birthday. Being an idiot, I kinda blew it off and I probably hurt him (he didn't show it, but I know it did). After that, things kind of cooled, but he was still flirty.

Recently, like last month, the last time that he came out to trim, we started talking about the bad luck we've had, and he suggested that we should go get a drink at a bar. Neither of us has brought it up since then about going out. I really, really like this guy.

I sat down and wrote this long letter about how I felt about him. I know, it's cheesy, but it's the only way I could express how I felt about him, because I'm too shy to tell him in person. I called him the other day to tell him that I had something to give him. He came out that same night, but I chickened out. Yesterday, I couldn't take my feelings anymore, so I called him and left him a voicemail telling him that I liked him. Big mistake, I know. He hasn't called me back, which I didn't expect because it probably really shocked him that I like him like that. So, I'm taking it as rejection. My heart is broken in a million pieces right now, and no matter how hard I try, I can't get him out of my head.

So, now my question is, how do I get over him and move on?



ANSWER: Dear Stephanie,
I don't think it was a big mistake... I think you took a risk and just because it didn't work out according to plan doesn't mean it was a mistake because now you can move on.  I don't think this was the best man for you because he is engaged to be married to someone else and the only thing that he would probably be willing to give you is a little bit of time and a great deal of heartache.  You move on with time... that is the only healing solution, but you can take actions to do great things like keep yourself busy, not call him, not hang out where he may be, and give yourself some space to get over this.  You may feel lousy, but trust me - based on your email I only saw you heading down a road of heartache.... Warmest Wishes and Good Luck, Erica

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: He's not engaged anymore and hasn't been for some time now.  If he was still engaged, I wouldn't have done anything.  As far as I know, he's single.

I'm feeling alot better.  I haven't had any contact with him and don't plan to.

Thanks for your help.

Answer
Dear Stephanie,
Great job on finding the strength not to contact him..... it will get easier with time.  If he wants to be with you - he will let you know... that I promise... there is no reason why you should have to chase after him.... you are now in control of your own destiny... Congratulations~!~  Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica