Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/15/2008

Question
Lets start by saying he's 28 and I am 22. We met while he was bartending and ended up dating. We've had a rocky relationship as he has cheated and so have I but we fell inlove after our mistakes and were happy. Things had gotten serious when he started begging for months for me to move in. I finally said yes. Then the past couple of weeks I have felt him growing distant. I would ask him a million times and he would reassure me that things are fine; his exact words were he loves me and i'm stuck with him forever. Now weeks later he has decided to tell me he feels different. He feels that he is not ready for committment but he loves me and doesnt want to break up. He said when he thought of me moving in it scared him even and I agreed to not move in. Then tonight he told me he was visiting his son, who i am extremely close with, and I called him after work and he said he was in his car, he wasn't, I knew he wasn't and asked him to turn on the radio then and he admitted to being at the bar he works at. He met up with two girls he works with and didnt want to tell me bc i get uncomfortable aroudn them bc they flirt with him so bad and it makes me insecure. I got upset and asked how could he lie to me and he just replied I'm coming home we have to talk. He came home and told me it was over then he would switch it and tell me he's not sure what he wants he just needs time. I kept asking him again and again is there someone else? no one wants to be alone? why can't you be alone but be with me? He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to break up or if he just needed to think it over. He asked me to give him time and if he realizes we are meant to be he will be with me for good. Meanwhile, I'm miserable and can't stop thinking he's with someone else and did not have the guts to tell me. He's the worst at breaking up with people. Ive asked him several times to just be honest and he swears there is no one else but i cant believe him.
I know I should let go and if he comes back, he does but its hard to sleep without him. He was my best friend and sadly my only true friend. I can't stop thinking he wasn't honest about the breakup and he used the old its not you, its me only revised. I can't ask him anymore bc he won't tell me even if there was a reason. All i want is to go back to the way we were.. happy and inlove. I still love him and I'm miserable.

Answer
Dear Jenna Nicole,
Please run for the hills.... Here is a guy who is lying to you and given the history between the 2 of you - I would say that is an indication of history getting ready to repeat itself.  You have to understand that being alone is better than going through the cycle of insanity that you are getting ready to go through.  You have to care more about yourself to realize that you deserve to be treated better and who is he to make decisions on what he should or shouldn't tell you because of how you are going to act.  You need to get empowered my dear and realize that the choice shouldn't be his, but rather yours.  You don't need to be desperate or act desperate because you shouldn't want him based on the email you wrote me.  Don't let him be the one to make the decision - you make it... And trust me the pain will eventually subside with time.  You don't need to negotiate a relationship... If someone wants to be with you they will do nothing short of moving mountains to be with you.  Trust me.... and anything or anyone you chase in life runs away.  Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica