Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/20/2008

Question
Hello,

I met this girl online 7 months back through an Indian matrimonial site. We started talking online as friends. I was totally into education and she wasn't into education but was very indepandant. So, we decided that this realtionship won't work to the next level. But, we continued to remain as friends and started talking a lot online and gradually over the phone. It went to a extent where we started falling for each other. I took a trip to India for her b'day and felt like she was the one for me. Then, after I came back we started talking more. My day wouldn't start without talking to her. I felt like she was a part of me. Then, the things have started to take a different shape. Before, she used to call me and send love emails. But, later I felt like it was getting one-sided. But, she was always there for me though talking online and talking to me over the phone. When I asked her why sheisn't calling or sending me those nice emails by herself she said she has been busy. I asked her if she was loosing interest in me she said that she loves to death and she is speechless that I said those words. I believed her and used to give her benefit of doubt. We had big fights on she coming over here and getting education in US so that she can be independant here as well. I just didnt want to take independance out of here and I didnt want her to be a housewife. I wanted her to just prep before we even get married. She said she will do it only when we married and she comes to US. Her philosophy is that she will come here look out for jobs and find some interesting courses and then think about it. I am on a visa and it is tough for her to get a job based on her education and job background because companies only sponsor visas if you have technical background(she was into customer service). I told her that but she never wanted to listen to me. I agreed to that as well that she will come here and does what she wants.

Then, she went to her dad's village to pay visit to a astrologer. She along with mine took other horoscopes and she actually told me that(can't beleive it). The astrologer said I was the best for her. I was just thinking that she was scared since I wanted her to get education in US and wanted to seek astrologer's advice. And, the astrologer said that she is not having a favourable time(stars and planets stuff!!) till feb'09 and can't get married before that. This incident happened in Aug. I told her it is too long to continue on a long-distance and since we are deeply in love why not take a student visa and come here. She said she has a life there and she isn't commited 100% because we are not together. All the months of being in love with her we thought we were together and would do anything to make the relationship work.  We had arguements and she said I don't love for whatever she is and my love isn't real. But, we broke-up anyways. I still can't get her away from my thoughts and always think I should bend and get back to her. All my friends and family say that she isn't a right girl for me. But, I am not able to get her off me. I sometimes send her offlines and ask her how she is. But, she rarely does that for me.

I need your help!! Please suggest

Answer
Dear Giri,
I think that you are being conditional in the relationship because you stated that it couldn't work because of her educational background.  That shouldn't matter when you really care about someone.  People have different goals and different desires.  If this is something that you desire in someone then she isn't the one for you.  You can't make someone be what you want them to be.  If you love her then you need to make the arrangements to be together whether you go over there more frequently or make arrangements for her to visit you.  She has to be willing to compromise, but that doesn't mean she has to change who she is and what she wants out of  life.  If she isn't making you feel the way that you want someone to make you feel it is better to cut your losses before you do get married or engaged and end up with a lifetime of regret.  I would take some time and soul search as to what it is that you really want... Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica