Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/18/2008

Question
Hi there

In the past month or so me and my girlfriend for 2 years
broke up.

Before we broke up fully we started to drift...she goes to
college a bit of a distance away from where I go and I said
I wouldn't be able to come up every week, maybe every
second week.  She got annoyed and I said screw it.

We didnt talk for about a week and a bit.  We got talkin
again and she kept askin if i was with anyone and I said
no(cause I wasnt).  She asked why I wasnt asking her, and I
said I know she wouldn't so something like that.  We hadnt
seen each other in about 2 weeks.

So anyway, about a week later after a drunken night out I
called her, I was sober by that time.  She asked was I with
anyone and I said no, were you?...and she stumbled over it
and I couldn't believe it, she had been with someone like 3
weeks ago.  No sex, just kissin and touchin but still I was
shocked, neither of us had been with anyone else.

She said, she wanted to get over me and went out with the
mentality of "Whatever happens, happens".

I was heartbroken, and shocked, I'm 20 and shes 21.

How could she do that, she wasnt the type of girl to do
that.  I still care about her but she said when she was
with this guy, a lot of her feelings for me died.

We met up after and talked bout it and I was still very
hurt.  We had sex and then she said she cant see me
anymore, she seems so different now, shes not the same girl
i fell in love with over 2 years ago.  She seems so
indifferent now and doesnt really like to talk to me.  I
want to meet her and show her that I wont push her away
again and make a big effort to see her everyweek.

What should I do?

PS. She hasnt talked to the guy since, cause his a dick
head apparently.

B

Answer
Dear B,
You have to let go and try to start the healing process.  I know that it hurts really bad, but she obviously has her own agenda and unfortunately your not in it right now.  You have to take baby steps with your own life, but if you hold onto the hope that she is going to come back you will not move on with your life and you will waste many precious moments and time on a situation that doesn't deserve your precious time.  If feelings for you died - as much as it hurts - so be it.  Knowing you loved her and did the best you could is enough.  You cannot control how she feels, what she thinks, or what she wants to do.  The only person you can control is you.... I would gather some inner strength - not contact her and just act like your life is fabulous.... don't give her any power..... Good Luck during this difficult time and try to focus in on making a better life for yourself.  Warmest Wishes, Erica