Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/23/2008

Question
Dear Erika: Hope you have the chance to read my question. This is my second marriage and in my 1st marriage I fell out of love since we were never together. His job kept him away for a long time so, when he would come back it was only to argue. Well long story short after 12 years and three children we divorced. My children were kept with him since I had no family members and was working all types of shifts in the hospital. That's were I met my current husband (he was a patient).Well 2 weeks after meeting we married. We've been married for 6 years and no children came out of this marriage. We were together 24 hrs.a day for a year and it was a blessing until he said that we had to move in with his family. They are great don't get me wrong, but he started ignoring me hiding in his brother's room to play games with his brothers(Play Station). So many years passed and we went through everything unemployment to finally both of us getting employments and I getting the opportunity of a lifetime, working with millionaires, princes, and just the right contacts. We started our own business together in realestate and finally becoming millionaires ourselves (we still kept our current jobs, we both enjoy our jobs). Something started with him though. He's been so distant. I was use to massage his back everyday and loved hugging each other but he doesn't want to anymore. He has done the impossible; He has slowly but surely gotten  me to stop loving him. I really qustion what I feel for him. I don't think I'll ever love again. I have no friends, I have no actual social life outside my morning job. I love my job which is 2 hours away and commute everyday for 4 hours, just to be around people and my colleagues (married women) from work who, from time to time chat and laugh. I have always been loyal to him and I know that he is loyal too. Most of the time he is with our business partner in the office (where my husband and I work after our regular work). There are no women around in our business and he answers the phone all the time, and there are no feelings of betrayal. I just want to know why if the person that I adored the most in the world is now the one that I hate the most. I feel insulted and rejected by him. I adored this man and it seems like he detests me. I know it's my my compansitory mechanism to try to protect my heart but now I really cannot force myself to love him like I used too. What should I do to rekindle our love for each other. Please advise, I don't like the idea of divorce. It would destroy me. Sorry so long.

Answer
Dear Susie,
Hmmm... maybe you should try sitting down and talking to him.  If things are financially working out well for the 2 of you then why are you still living with his family?  I think that you need to have a conversation because there are many ways people can have emotional affairs outside of the home via. internet, phone, etc.  I would suggest that you decide whether or not you really want your marriage and if you do then I suggest you put forth the effort.  There are a lot of factors that weigh in.... like how long has he been acting distant?  has something major happened in your lives?  is there a lot of stress on the marriage right now?  These are questions that you can answer and possibly discuss with him.  Feeling rejected is a horrible thing, but not trying to work at it will fill you with regret later.  Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, ERica